Vanity Fair recently featured a story about people who like to dress up in big fluffy animal costumes, because it inspires them sexually. They call themselves Fuzzies. They say, "I'm in a fuzzy suit--me so cute and horny," before jacking (or jagging)-off inside the costume. Remember that next time you rent a gorilla suit. Some might say it's a perversion, others may think it's a stupid perversion. But it's all U.S.A., and I'm damned proud of them. The most tolerant country in the world, right here, and it's going to stay that way. We've lost too many lives protecting our right to wear fuzzy suits to surrender that hard-fought freedom.
Social Science enthusiasts, however, will be excited to discover that we're not the only flakes falling from the genetic scalp. Better yet, we're not the slowest turtle in the race, either. Central Asia's Kazakhstan, has its own version of Fuzzies--with a literary twist!
Craig Nelson, of theage.com.au/ reported that a group of J.R.R.Tolkien fans are getting the crap beaten out of them by the police because for some reason (sex), they dress up like Hobbits and play in the woods. Nelson said the Hobbit-wannabes, "face a real-life threat to match the evil Dark Lord Sauron: a police crackdown on 'counter-cultural groups.'" Just in time for World War III, these yahoos are prancing around in the woods, singing fairy songs, pooping on mossy hillocks, and playing Hump the Hobbit.
Nelson explains that the Tian Shen Mountains, towering over Almaty, Kazakhstan, "offer an impressive representation of Middle Earth, the world created by Tolkien." A thousand or so enthusiasts leave the city in search of frivolous folly in fancy forts and cushy caves, dressed up as Tolkien characters, and have a great time--until they are caught by the cops who consider the group subversive because of their Bohemian traits. The authorities force them to "surrender their rubber axes and homemade wooden swords." Their costumes are confiscated, and the captured Tolkienists are then beaten, held for days, tortured, and heavily fined.
Kazakh Police classify Tolkienists along with street musicians, alternative artists, homosexuals, and other dangerous Bohemians. Duh! Wait till they discover America's Fuzzies. They too are alternative, artistic, probably homosexual, and they're a lot cuter than Tolkienists--except of course when they get their ejaculate all over everything. Yick.
