It Sure is a Scientific World

Amateur exhibitionists are using internet auction technology to show off their perky privates to unsuspecting E-Bay browsing consumers in a practice known as Reflectoporn. This mischievous group of Reflectoporn e-flashers are a clandestine bunch, concealing images of their naked forms in the reflections of everyday items up for auction. A nude man reflected in a […]

For science aficionados who conduct home experiments, following the rules is necessary in order to maintain high standards. If procedure standards were not followed, who would give the results a second glance? Therefore proper experimentations depend on the following procedures: To EXPERIMENT, begin with a HYPOTHESIS. Gather your MATERIALS, follow a PROCEDURE, document the RESULTS, […]

My neighbor Dave doesn’t drink milk. He calls it cow pus, and doesn’t hesitate to remind me in mid-chug that I’m sucking on the foul tit of another species. I’m also reminded of a friend in Vermont, Marc, who once ran for some political office there. Marc got major press coverage for openly dissing Ben […]

The Franklin Stud Years ago, America’s rotund founding father and patriotic man-slut Benjamin Franklin, is said to have discovered that metal things attract lightning. Back then, lightning was perceived as a sign from God that “He” wasn’t getting enough attention. So, when electrical storms arose, church bell ringers were called upon to do their duty: […]

RJ Reynolds is currently marketing a cigarette which reduces second hand smoke by 80%. The cigarette, called Eclipse, comes in menthol and regular like a normal cigarette, but beyond flavors, Eclipse has very little similarity to the original. Eclipse is an enigma, wrapped within a high tech smoking device so unusual, it requires two separate […]

Hymen the Mood For Love! The May 2003 issue of Harper’s Magazine offers a sprightly English translation of the instruction manual for “Jade Lady Membrane Man-Made Hymen”–a Chinese hymen repair kit. “For the female sex, the value of the hymen (virgin membrane) cannot be overestimated,” the manual commands. “But the rapid rise in modern women’s […]

Maggot Tea It wasn’t enough for the medical brainiacs over at OHSU to reintroduce the use of live leeches to help free blood flow to damaged arteries. (The “Ick Factor” of that procedure alone should have put Oregon on the map for all time.) But then along came Maggot Tea Bags. Scientific one-upmanship is an […]

Mushroom High A letter from local highschool student Jonny Needlin asks, “Dear John Dooley, I want to take psychedelic mushrooms, but my cousin tells me my brain is not yet fully formed, and that I should wait before exposing my virgin gray-matter to psychotropic substances. What should I do?” Jonny, it’s always a pleasure when […]

Brave New Male Odor Sniffing sweaty men makes women feel good! Or so says Charles J. Wysocki of the University of Pennsylvania. In a new study, Wysocki reveals how he swabbed male sweat drizzle onto the upper lips of female test subjects (without telling them what it was), and says the results proved that chicks […]

Newsflash! The good folks at the Molluscan Broodstock Program have sex with everyone’s favorite pearl shitter, the OYSTER! Well, sort of. MBP is a selective breeding and genotyping program funded by the USDA to improve oyster production in the Northwest. Of all the fabled creatures of science, the oyster is rarely depicted as being a […]

@Normal= @Normal=[S””,”Normal”] @$:I Wish You Diarrhea! We¹ve all heard how good it is to eat healthy foods, exercise, and have a few drinks every day. But the latest health findings just may coax you to squirt in your pants! What is the latest health-related scientific bombshell that¹s spewing forth from the mouths of the experts? […]

Is that a purple triceratops in my pocket? It sure is! I’ve also got an ostrich in there. They’re part of my Z-Cardz collection, and it’s swelling by the day. My collection, that is. Z-Cardz are tiny pocket puzzles that, upon completion, become 3-D models of tanks, hot rods, land animals, jets, birds, and even […]