RE: Kids today.
Another recording. What’s this world come to? A series of recordings. I’ve lived here 50 years in this town. Ran a business here, got married here, and now I don’t have any rights at all anymore. The young people have taken them all away.
I guess that that’s what the world’s come to. A series of recordings, and you get to tell me you don’t care. Well, have a good life!
Anonymous Old Man, via voicemail
ANOTHER OLD MAN
RE: “Letters to the Editor” [April 4], in which J. Cohen wrote in to criticize Ann Romano’s jokes about the ages of Donald Trump and Joe Biden (“Both of you need to take your gout medication”) and her use of the phrase “Hurry up and die, old people” when writing about how America’s teenagers are doing more for gun control than America’s adults have done in decades. Mr. Cohen, 49, noted he had “experienced agism in my last relationship,” including being told to “act his age” while drinking and hearing his partner tell her son, “Old people can’t use the bathroom like the rest of us.”
Really? Forty-nine seems a bit young to be butt-hurt over jokes about age. Age jokes are universally fair game for comedy, you moron! Twenty-somethings make fun of thirty-somethings, thirty-somethings make fun of forty-somethings, and so on. And teens think everyone is old because WE FUCKING ARE. Get over yourself and leave Ann Romano alone.
Also, when referring to old people who systematically ignore the uniquely American scourge of mass shootings in favor of personal gain and then attack young people for doing something about it, it’s perfectly acceptable to say “hurry up and die.”
If you can’t handle people giving you shit for being 49, calling that “ageism,” you are definitely having a midlife crisis. Instead of ranting on humorists (which Ann is, and is awesome), go buy a fucking cherry-red convertible and pretend you aren’t approaching 50. Sorry your former partner was insensitive or tried to give you shit, but it seems like you should spend time resolving that anger versus lashing out at someone who is paid to make people laugh.
Ms. Romano’s point—that our youth are doing more than our older, useless politicians by speaking up about gun violence—is accurate and incredible. I, for one, welcome our future leaders—our 15 to 18-year-old citizens who seem to have more social consciousness than the Baby Boomers and Gen-Xers combined. You aren’t old, and you aren’t the victim of “ageism.” You were trying to have a relationship with a much younger woman, and maybe that’s the problem.
PRETTY SURE THIS IS AN OLD MAN, TOO
Roseanne has always been like this. Y’all need to rewatch the first nine seasons. Seems like people are being a bit sensitive about all this—sure makes for great press, though. They’re already signed up for a second season and they’re loving all your articles. There’s no such thing as bad press—just look at Trump! I hope Clooney makes an appearance this season. You know you all are gonna watch it too. What else would you have to write about?
FINALLY, NOT AN OLD MAN
RE: “I Hate Music” [Music, April 4], outgoing Senior Editor Megan Burbank’s piece about the music of the Slits—as well as her time in college, which included playing the oboe, getting a B+ on her Chaucer final, and having a crush on “a Clash-loving boy with a godawful bicep tattoo of (I am not joking) HAMLET TALKING TO A SKULL.”
NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR OBOE OR YOUR CHAUCER HOMEWORK, YOU SELF-IMPORTANT TWERP! GOOD RIDDANCE!
This messy, gross, petulant, forever Slits fan and former dater of punk dudes with embarrassing tattoos appreciates you and this article.
MSJANIEJONES, thank you for not being a cranky old man. You win the Mercury’s letter of the week—along with two passes to Portland’s beloved Laurelhurst Theater! Please use them to see a film that is exuberant and bright and full of joyous, youthful energy.