OLD MAN
RE: Kids today.
Another recording. Whatâs this world come to? A series of recordings. Iâve lived here 50 years in this town. Ran a business here, got married here, and now I donât have any rights at all anymore. The young people have taken them all away.
I guess that thatâs what the worldâs come to. A series of recordings, and you get to tell me you donât care. Well, have a good life!
Anonymous Old Man, via voicemail
ANOTHER OLD MAN
RE: âLetters to the Editorâ [April 4], in which J. Cohen wrote in to criticize Ann Romanoâs jokes about the ages of Donald Trump and Joe Biden (âBoth of you need to take your gout medicationâ) and her use of the phrase âHurry up and die, old peopleâ when writing about how Americaâs teenagers are doing more for gun control than Americaâs adults have done in decades. Mr. Cohen, 49, noted he had âexperienced agism in my last relationship,â including being told to âact his ageâ while drinking and hearing his partner tell her son, âOld people canât use the bathroom like the rest of us.â
Really? Forty-nine seems a bit young to be butt-hurt over jokes about age. Age jokes are universally fair game for comedy, you moron! Twenty-somethings make fun of thirty-somethings, thirty-somethings make fun of forty-somethings, and so on. And teens think everyone is old because WE FUCKING ARE. Get over yourself and leave Ann Romano alone.
Also, when referring to old people who systematically ignore the uniquely American scourge of mass shootings in favor of personal gain and then attack young people for doing something about it, itâs perfectly acceptable to say âhurry up and die.â
Aurelius141
If you canât handle people giving you shit for being 49, calling that âageism,â you are definitely having a midlife crisis. Instead of ranting on humorists (which Ann is, and is awesome), go buy a fucking cherry-red convertible and pretend you arenât approaching 50. Sorry your former partner was insensitive or tried to give you shit, but it seems like you should spend time resolving that anger versus lashing out at someone who is paid to make people laugh.
Ms. Romanoâs pointâthat our youth are doing more than our older, useless politicians by speaking up about gun violenceâis accurate and incredible. I, for one, welcome our future leadersâour 15 to 18-year-old citizens who seem to have more social consciousness than the Baby Boomers and Gen-Xers combined. You arenât old, and you arenât the victim of âageism.â You were trying to have a relationship with a much younger woman, and maybe thatâs the problem.
R. Paul
PRETTY SURE THIS IS AN OLD MAN, TOO
RE: âRoseanne: Now the Pro-Trump Showâs Crapping on Minorities... WOW, Just Like Trumpâ [Blogtown, April 6], Editor-in-Chief Wm. Steven Humphreyâs post about... well, Roseanne crapping on minorities.
Roseanne has always been like this. Yâall need to rewatch the first nine seasons. Seems like people are being a bit sensitive about all thisâsure makes for great press, though. Theyâre already signed up for a second season and theyâre loving all your articles. Thereâs no such thing as bad pressâjust look at Trump! I hope Clooney makes an appearance this season. You know you all are gonna watch it too. What else would you have to write about?
JR Stone
FINALLY, NOT AN OLD MAN
RE: âI Hate Musicâ [Music, April 4], outgoing Senior Editor Megan Burbankâs piece about the music of the Slitsâas well as her time in college, which included playing the oboe, getting a B+ on her Chaucer final, and having a crush on âa Clash-loving boy with a godawful bicep tattoo of (I am not joking) HAMLET TALKING TO A SKULL.â
NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR OBOE OR YOUR CHAUCER HOMEWORK, YOU SELF-IMPORTANT TWERP! GOOD RIDDANCE!
turquoise shell2
This messy, gross, petulant, forever Slits fan and former dater of punk dudes with embarrassing tattoos appreciates you and this article.
MsJanieJones
MSJANIEJONES, thank you for not being a cranky old man. You win the Mercuryâs letter of the weekâalong with two passes to Portlandâs beloved Laurelhurst Theater! Please use them to see a film that is exuberant and bright and full of joyous, youthful energy.