DEAR BITCH, FROM MORON

DEAR MERCURY—Tell that dumb bitch [Ann Romano] from One
Day at a Time [Sept 17] to wipe Hubby Kip’s jizm out of her fucking
eyes and read about some of the reasons so many people are part of the
9/11 truth movement. I don’t give a shit about Charlie Sheen or whoever
it was that made up a dumbass interview with the president, but don’t
put the word “facts” in quotations and make everyone who thinks our
government is a lying sack of shit look like eccentric morons.

-Dino-Bot 4000xc

BACK PEDAL

DEAR MERCURY—This may make me sound like a total
pretentious ass (and okay I am a little) but your “Your Bike Stinks”
article incorrectly said that fixed-gear bikes canNOT pedal backward…
[“The Portland Mercury Community College,” Feature, Sept 17].
Um… this is totally false, a coaster break bike can’t pedal backward
and a fixed-gear bike can. Haven’t you ever seen someone do a no-handed
backward circle? It’s awesome!

-mama mouse

RAILING

Rail has its place, and bus has its place [“Fighting Tooth and
Rail,” News, Sept 17]. Rail is great for connecting communities, such
as the Blue Line does. The Red Line is useful as a fairly quick
connection from the airport. The Yellow Line is absurd until it makes
it to Vancouver. The Green Line is absurd period; coulda been done
years ago with express buses at a fraction of the cost, much like the
WES [Westside Express Service]. The worst of it all is that bus service
keeps getting chopped to pay to run these rail services. The expansion
is not going to end, so count on less and less buses. Land-use
development is the name of the game, if you’re transit dependent and
don’t live in Portland proper you’re in big trouble the way things are
likely to continue heading. Lots of people are getting hurt, primarily
lower-income people, and we all know that nobody cares about them. In
America, the land of freedom and democracy, you get as much freedom and
voice as you can afford.

-posted by Al M on portlandmercury.com

CATCHING UP

You don’t have to be conservative to realize light rail, the way
it’s done in this city, is a total boondoggle [“Fighting Tooth and
Rail,” News, Sept 17]. [Cascade Policy Institute President John
Charles] is right about MAX being totally useless through downtown, and
obviously he was joking when he suggested paving over the tracks to
make more room for buses. Leave the tracks there, run more buses. If
you don’t like diesel, run them on natural gas. And before you tell me
electric trains are more sustainable than buses, think about the coal
we burn to get that power. BTW—having spent most of my life in
cities where trains actually move enormous numbers of people, I assure
you, I have nothing against trains that actually move faster than I can
jog.

-posted by the passenger on portlandmercury.com

ASS TO ASS

DEAR MERCURY—Oh, Mercury, you poor, poor fools
[“The Continued Decline of Western Civilization,” Feature, Sept 10]. As
your little hipster world pulls away from the rest of reality, enjoy
your ever-decreasing circle-jerk of disrespect. Those guys in Phish
worked harder and have unimaginably more talent than you. I don’t even
like them, but I respect them significantly more than I respect your
petulant asses. You should really be ashamed of yourselves… but it’s
okay, the Portland music scene is ashamed enough about you to
share.

-posted by iuweyr on portlandmercury.com

THE BOOB TUBE

How can you not want to look at porn together “Porn de la Concorde,”
Savage Love, Sept 17]? It’s like going to a strip club with your
man—such fun to watch him getting excited and knowing that you
get to reap the benefits. I suppose watching what he has already
watched would at least let you know what turns him on—always good
info to have for later.

-posted by grannymoonstar on portlandmercury.com

BONER SOLIDARITY

DEAR MERCURY—Why have the last couple of issues of the
Mercury had scathing letters to the editor about himself (Wm.
Steven Humphrey) [Letters, Sept 10 & 17]? Are you doing this on
purpose, Wm. Steven, to give yourself an esteem boost (and probably a
boner by seeing your own name in print so many times) or are
people really reading this rag hoping for important, life-changing
articles about television? I love your column and if I could get a
boner over vampires, I totally would. I’m just glad to know you feel
the same way.

-Emma

FOR HER DEFENSE OF Wm. Steven Humphrey’s raging boner “problem,”
Emma wins the Mercury‘s letter of the week, scoring two tickets
to the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish!, a
responsibly boner-positive establishment.