WHERE CAN ONE FIND COLA-FLAVORED CONDOMS?

HEY MARIE: I just want to let you know I really dig your column [“Dating Tips
for Horny Boys,” August 31]! The condom reviews were so funny, I think I’ll
have to try a couple of them. One question–where do you find cola flavored
condoms? Pop and latex do sound nasty, though!

Anyway, thanks for telling the guys what we really think! Hopefully they’ll find more than just humor in what you say.

Korrin

The Mercury responds: Delicious, nutritious condoms of all flavors can
be purchased at www.condom.net.

 


IDIOT, IDIOT, IDIOT

TO THE EDITOR: I’ve asked it before, and I’ll ask it again: DOES JULIANNE
SHEPHERD KNOW A FUCKING THING ABOUT MUSIC? Her idiocy has reached a new low,
and continues to do both your publication and its readers a huge disservice.
In her John Doe Thing preview [August 31] she wrote “…the Knitters, Doe’s
band with Henry Rollins (!!) and others…” WHAT THE FUCK? Henry Rollins was
in the Knitters? That’s sure going to be news to him. Gosh, and here I thought
that in 1985, when the Knitters released their one and only LP, Mr. Rollins
was a bit busy fronting a certain Black Flag…but Shepherd likely has no idea
who they were either. Nor does she likely have a clue who Dave Alvin is, who
actually was in the Knitters (go ask someone about the Blasters, Miss “Arts
Editrix” idiot).

Al Kader

The Mercury responds: Hey! We’re not the idiots! The Virgin
Encyclopedia of Indie & New Wave clearly states that Henry Rollins once played
with the Knitters–so they are the idiots! However, we will happily forward
your complaint (after changing all references from “Julianne Shepherd” to “Virgin
Encyclopedia”) to those idiotic idiots at Virgin.

BRUSH UP ON YOUR DENTAL HYGIENE

SIRS/MADAMS: Interesting dental horror story by Rick Levin [“Pain,” August
24]. Can’t say as I have all that much sympathy for the fellow, as we all learned
in fourth grade health about dental caries and how they need fixing as soon
as possible. On the other hand, you’d be doing the public a service in regards
to dental care by publicizing a couple of things that I’ve found out the hard
way. 1) Tooth fillings wear out–all those fillings you got as a kid are going
to need replacing by your mid to late 30’s. 2) Metal fillings are a bad idea,
as they tend to wedge into your teeth and cause them to split and fracture.
3) Cracks and fractures in your teeth should be attended to promptly–there’s
an onlay that is much cheaper and easier than a crown that can be put on in
the early stages. Dentists can’t really read how deep or extensive a crack in
the enamel is, so you are best off by fixing them sooner than later.

Finally, one should never pass up the opportunity to trash, embarrass, and shame the constipated honkies who run the show in this town–Portland is the largest city in the country without fluoridated water, so everyone growing up here is going to have more cavities as kids, and more tooth problems as they progress through adulthood.

Keep up the good work. I enjoy reading your magazine, and am glad to see the Willamette Wipe getting some competition.

Dan White


OBITUARY

TO OUR READERS: The staff of the Mercury would like to send our condolences
to the friends and family of Terry Grob, who passed away last Saturday,
at age 42, apparently of a seizure. Terry, who often referred to himself as
the “Eighth Most Powerful Man in the Rock ‘n’ Roll Industry,” was best known
for his punk rock production company “Grobal Productions” and has been booking
bands at EJ’s since October, 1999. Terry was well respected among his peers
for staying true to what he believed in (punk rock) during a time when others
changed their musical focus to make more cash. According to friends, Terry died
doing what he loved; he produced a rock show, paid the band, got everything
taken care of, and then went upstairs and passed away.

There will be a memorial for Terry at EJ’s (2140 NE Sandy) on Saturday, September 9, at 2 pm. Appropriately, GPC’s, Coke Classic, and chocolate milk will be served. Stop by and pay your respects to a friend who will be sorely missed.