Okay, so Jeff Goldblum is definitely—or at least, most likely—not drunk in this ad for Paypal. HOWEVER! When you slow it down ever so slightly as this guy did, he sounds super-duper drunk… and actually, a lot more likable. I’d hang out with this drunk. (Maybe I’ll go as Drunk Jeff Goldblum for Halloween?)

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)