You desperately need a man. Luckily for you, there are still about ten of them left. And here they all are, courtesy of the Found Footage Festival (coming to Portland in December). DON’T THANK ME!

https://youtube.com/watch?v=nQ-O3c1sjjI%26hl%3Den%26fs%3D1%26

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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