Hot tipper Graham alerts us to Mayor Sam Adams’ new proposed curbside composting plan.
Portland Mayor Sam Adams today proposed the addition of curbside food scrap composting for Portlanders today following a successful, year-long pilot program. The proposal will go to Portland City Council for a first reading next week and vote Wednesday, August 17.
“Portlanders want curbside composting and the City of Portland is ready to deliver. Each year, thousands of pounds of food scraps needlessly go to landfills when they could be turned into nutrient-rich compost. The 2,000-household pilot was an overwhelming success, and it’s time to take action and bring this easy, common sense composting solution to everyone,” Mayor Sam Adams said.
Okay, so that’s what Sam said. Now it’s time for YOU to guess how the Oregonian and WW will try to spin this into another one of the Mayor’s evil schemes by writing the opening paragraph for their upcoming stories. (And don’t forget to add a labored metaphor at the end!) I’ll start!
Today un-convicted sex offender and QUITTER Mayor Sam Adams, in another sad attempt to distract citizens from his sex scandal with a teenage intern that crippled his tenure as mayor and made Portland the laughing stock of the world, announced another in a long line of unsuccessful Socialist ideas: curbside composting. He will introduce the proposal to disinterested and embarrassed council members this week—but while Portlanders may one day be scraping half-eaten mashed potatoes off their plates and onto the curb, the mayor will NEVER be able to scrape away the encrusted gravy of shame from the plate that is Portland.
Actually, that’s not half bad. Your turn!
This is hilarious. It’s as if it was written by Richard Ellmeyer himself!
Offhand this sounds like a pretty silly idea.
Specifics please.
Poooor poor Adams gets picked on sooo much by the evil O and WW.
Just because they endorsed him doesn’t mean they are not just gay-haters.
Hump to the rescue!
@frankieb: trolling 2/10. try harder next time.
Landfill operators are up in arms over Sam Adams’ latest socialist plot to invade our lives and destroy business. Sam, who wouldn’t quit when we told him too and now is a quitter, is apparently desperate for some sort of achievement to put on his resume to hide the fact that he balanced the budget, reduced crime, improved transportation and other evil socialist plots. As if he hasn’t interfered enough in our lives, now he has set his eye on our trash! His latest idea is to introduce curbside composting citywide at a cost to the city that we have estimated to be around $165,000 per person per year, taking business away from the hardworking landfill operators. He wants us to do a better job when we use and throw away our plant matter, just as he used and threw away Beau Breedlove. At least with all that new compost, he won’t have to travel far to get dirty.
@Graham Guilty as charged.
Feel-good idea that will further raise rates though.
@frankieb. Yeah! Stupid feel-good ideas like composting organic waste. What a stupid idea.
Sam Adams, the man who puts the “fable” in affable, came up with another whopper today (and we’re not talking about a delicious hunk of meat, so calm yourself, Mr. Mayor). He claimed that Portlanders are eager to collect their disgusting food waste and leave it at the curb, where it will almost certainly be devoured by roving bands of rats, wild boars, and hippies. “Slippery Sam” shouldn’t seriously suggest scattering stinky scraps on streets and sidewalks citywide. Scrap your reelection campaign, by all means, but also scrap your grab for our scraps…they’re headed for the good old-fashioned garbage can, just like someone’s political career!
@* composting ain’t stupid, but paying the garbage man to collect it certainly is.
@frankieb. Let’s all compost it in our backyards then (we all have those). That makes lots of sense.
Here goes: We hate Sam. He had consensual sex with an adult who doesn’t work for him. Therefore everything he does is evil. “I hate curbside composting,” said Beau Breedlove. The editorial board , Anna Griffin, Ryan Frank and that new guy who made up a story about fundraising should all now go on attack.
How about this headline: “The many people who already compost their foodwaste up in arms over yet another rate increase that provides them no benefit”
The people who could compost but don’t likely won’t bother separating their trash and foodstuffs, so basically this only serves condo and apartment dwellers, who throw their refuse into a dumpster and don’t pay individually for trash pickup service.
Thanks for saying it better than I could Chuck.
how’s this for a headline:
“HUMP bitch-slapped by O (and former WW) writer Slovic.”
I wish someone would tell us some details ? I rarely use the green can because I compost by feeding the worms.
Will this mean feeding the worm composter will become illegal ?
I may go rail against it because it encourages food waste.
Now the bums will be looking in the green cans too.
We at the Oregonian/WW make all of our money on ads. To get you to read the paper or online we create sensational and misleading headlines. We also want politicians in office to face fierce election challenges. That’s because we make much more money in election years. The more candidates the more ads. And the more scandal, the more ads. The funny thing is we don’t really care about you, the city, journalism. All we care about is making money. So we pick elected officials to generate controversy around. We love so called mayor Adams because he is always trying to change things. That makes the old people who we write for angry, and anger is good for business, because then we can write a story about them being angry, then they think they are right.
Everyone knows our freedom to throw away anything we want is protected by the Constitution of the United States. We didn’t have to recycle except when I was a kid in WW2, so why do we need to do it now? Mayor Adams is constantly oppressing us and trying to take away our God-given rights. What’s next? Outlawing bottled water? The government is spending too much. Let’s cut taxes! The Medicare and Social Security I collect is my right, but these rising garbage rates are too much. It’s all Adams fault. If we get gay marriage, the country will go bankrupt, and we will loose respect everywhere in the world. And bikes? I rode one 15 miles to school everyday as a kid, but there are just too many now, and they should be taxed. Who cares about windmills? We didn’t have those when we were kids. Mayor Adams, forget the windmills.
Kudos to Um for pointing out that the evil publications take money for advertising and the MERC stands tall above them for not doing so.
And too for knowing the readership of those publications are just old folk who don’t want change and want to lower taxes.
But back to reality, Slovic reports in todays O that the program will cost $1.2 million.
To pick up food scrap that decomposes naturally.