I just opened my mail to find a book called Chubster: A Hipster’s Guide to Losing Weight While Staying Cool. It is a weight loss guide for hipsters. The author, Martin Cizmar, is “now the arts and culture editor at Willamette Week in Portland, Oregon.”
From the press release:
“‘There’s no cool way to lose weight.’ That’s what Martin Cizmar’s girlfriend said when he committed to shedding some extra pounds but refused to submit to the horrors of Organized Dieting (i.e. joining a gym or enrolling in any kind of weight loss program). As a self-identifying hipster who plays adult kickball, wears KangaRoo sneakers, and shops for used Little League t-shirts at Goodwill, Martin could neither risk his hip reputation, nor was he willing to give up certain elements of his lifestyle. So, he set out to create his own plan. 240 days later, he was 100 pounds lighter and had proven his girlfriend wrong in the process. Losing weight can be cool.”
The More You Know.
FUCK. IRRELEVANCE AHOY!
Assuming he is now, say, 130 lbs, I must imagine he had some trouble locating “used Little League t-shirts” for the 230+ lb. set.
So he was a fat dork and now he is a skinny dork? Epic win, eh?
Jesus that paragraph was embarrassing in so many ways
I could go with a Gary Glitter joke, as I’ve been known to do—but, just to show I can control myself, I won’t. Besides, I might want to write for them someday, y’know?
Looks like he’s bounced around a bit. This would be Newspaper #3 this year:
http://www.azcentral.com/thingstodo/music/…
anyone who “self-identifies” as a hipster and tries really hard to be cool will be PERFECT for the WW.
no amazon ‘see inside?’
for shame.
IF YOU DIG AROUND ON THE AMAZON SITE, YOU’LL FIND AN EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK.
“Sure, I lost 100 pounds in eight months for the express purpose of not being fat (I’m 5’11” and weighed 290 when I started).”
WHICH MEANS HE’S STILL OVERWEIGHT. THIS IS A DIETING BOOK FROM SOMEONE WHO’S STILL FAT.
Great. Another newbie. Which means we have to endure yet another few years of wide-eyed wow-Portland-is-so-wacky arts reporting. Way to hire local.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!