Due to the horrific landslide of terrible news we’ve been getting over the last couple of weeks, Jimmy Fallon has developed a new segment for his show called “Good News… and Good News” where he gets news anchors from all over the country to read positive, upbeat (but not necessarily true) news stories. (The one about “ghosts” is especially a huge relief!!)

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)