Me & Mario Lopez

When the opportunity arose out of nowhere to interview Mario Lopez I jumped on it. Lopez had flown into Portland to shoot scenes for his job as host of Extra, though why either of us would want to talk to the another was left unclear. He is constantly working, but didn’t seem to be pushing anything in particular. It was just a chance to meet a famous person, take it or leave it.

• (L-R, Mario Lopez, a mess)

BFFs4EVA

As anyone who grew up without cable can tell you, when you want to watch TV, you scan 10 or so channels for the least-bad program available. In my household that meant Mario Lopez was a constant periphery figure. In the early ’90s Saved By The Bell was an after-school must. It taught me that the looming teenage years were not as daunting as they seemed: That there only 12 or so people in the halls at any given time, and everyone hangs out—even the nerds. If you’re a rich smart-ass, you can get away with anything and everyone will love you for it, especially your predetermined cheerleader girlfriend. Walk into any room with confidence and an audience might go “Wooo!”

This formula for pre-adulthood was comfortingly simplistic. Even after I’d grown older and realized that life was much messier outside of Bayside, it remained my favorite sitcom retreat, where life was easy and even harrowing caffeine pill addictions could be overcome in the course of 22 minutes.

After Bell, Mario appeared as a co-host on The Other Half, an inverted version of The View starring Lopez, Dick Clark, Danny Bonaduce and Dorian Gregory—a fascinatingly misguided exercise. The View‘s success sprang from the fact that it was giving a platform to underrepresented voices. As if women were looking for another television show voicing men’s perspective of the world! Regardless, while Clark was The Other Half‘s Barbara Walters and Bonaduce was its Hasselbeck, Lopez was the breakout star just being his charming self. Unashamedly strutting to a chorus of “whoos,” he delivered what The Other Half‘s audience was really after: a domestic dreamboat fantasy on daytime TV.

In this new post-ironic decade, where Dr. Pepper hires the “Chocolate Rain” guy for a commercial and eyes don’t roll so hard that their 3-D glasses fly off when James Cameron makes space-Ferngully-slash-Dances-With-Wolves, Mario Lopez’s career seems ripe for a payday. If Erik Estrada, David Hasselhoff and Mr. T can turn their ’80s kitsch icon status into viable careers as fan-friendly self-parodies, who better than Lopez to follow in their footsteps? The man’s acting career is kitsch in its purest form, from Saved by the Bell to Nip/Tuck; from TV movies like Breaking the Surface: The Greg Louganis Story to the more recent The Dog Who Saved Christmas. Throw in a parallel career of hosting, strutting, flexing and dancing and how serious could Mario Lopez take himself? Right??

Maybe not. I have huge affection for Lopez’s projects and when I told him so he responded with a gracious air reserved for expected compliments, like when the babysitter you hired says your child is adorable. He was an affable robot, answering the questions I asked with the depth and positivity of a press release before using a tone of finality, implying it was time to move on to a subject he really wanted to talk about. But what? I started with what I thought would be a sweet spot, his recent children’s book, Mud Tacos, which has the one-two punch of a creepy-ass cover and a title that sounds like a Craigslist Casual Encounter.

This was the first indication that this wasn’t going to be the loose, unselfconscious interview I was expecting:

I wanted to talk to you about your new book, Mud Tacos.

That was my second book. My first book was a fitness book called Knockout Fitness. This book is my first childrens’ book. I wrote it with my sister, Mud Tacos like you said, I’m really happy with the way it turned out, I hope it’s the first of many.

So this isn’t a one-off?

No no, we’re hoping to make it an animated project and hopefully do more.

Do you find that writing comes naturally to you?

I only write about things I’m passionate about. Fitness I’m passionate about and this is about family and I’m passionate about family.

The characters are based on you and your sister, right?

Correct. It’s our stories from when we were kids. We’re trying to encourage kids to use their imagination and also to get them outside and playing, because too often they’re in front of their computers playing video games. We’re telling stories that were happening to us while we were growing up.

So it’s tied in to fitness, too?

In a way, yeah. Sure.

I kept wanting to place the blame for an exchange this dull squarely on Lopez, but that’s not really where it fits. I’d never been to a press junket before, but they’re sort of awful. A chair was pulled up to the couch where Mario was sitting with his make-up man, Tutti, where I was given five minutes to sit and try and make him talk about Danny Bonaduce instead of eating entrees. The open mind I thought I was going in with was based completely around an image of Mario Lopez, tomorrow’s kitsch icon; Mario Lopez, talking dog with a Jheri curl. His air of mercenary professionalism and focus on his Blackberry threw me off completely. Why wouldn’t he strut around and glamor me with his eyes?

Check out our interview and prepare to see a side of Mario Lopez you have very likely seen before:

Since Saved by the Bell you’ve done quite a bit of hosting. Have you thought about doing more acting or is this where you’re focused now?

I’ve managed to do both. I was on Nip/Tuck this season, I’ve got a Christmas movie that came out this year, Holiday in Handcuffs and also The Dog Who Saved Christmas.

Yeah, I saw that!

So you know it’s for kids. I try to be as diverse as possible. I try and do everything.

Do you ever wish you had a chance to play some darker characters?

It might be fun. I don’t have any desire. I like playing the good guy. There’s a lot of bad guys out there.

I wanted to talk about the talk show you did, The Other Half—

[A waitress interrupts with flatbread entrees]

What is that? Oh my gosh! [To his makeup man] Tutti! Tutti, get in here! Have some flatbread. [to me] These are tremendous. You gotta get in there, buddy!

I’ll have one later.

Waitress: Take one.

Ok.

Oh my gosh. These are tremendous.

… About The Dog Who Saved Christmas—how did that come about, you doing voiceover work?

They had just approached me and asked, and I’ve always wanted to do a voiceover for the dog, yeah. It’s for kids and I have nieces and nephews, so I like to do more family fare to kind of watch with them.

There’s a lot of buzz about the Jimmy Fallon Saved by the Bell reunion —

I don’t think that’s going to happen. We had the reunion for People magazine. I love Jimmy and we get along well — I actually planted the seed in his head to do it — but my schedule’s too crazy, I don’t know how everybody else is.

Well Mark Paul Gosselear is doing his show now [Raising the Bar].

Yeah, I think it’s a long shot.

Do you still talk to any of those guys?

Yeah, I talk to them. I just saw them recently for the People shoot.

I know that there’s been some drama around Dustin Diamond…

I haven’t really talked to him, to be honest. I kind of feel sorry for him. It seems like he’s going through some tough times and I wish him nothing but the best.

But there’s no real hatchet to bury?

No, I have no problem with him.

That’s really good to hear. Was it surreal to revisit those roles for the Jimmy Fallon show? I thought you and Mark Paul Gosselear were really good sports about it.

Thanks. It was fun, I hadn’t done that in a long time. It was a bit surreal just hearing that music and being on the set took me back, and I can’t believe it’s been 20 years.

You don’t feel a need to distance yourself from that role at all?

No, it was a big part of my life and I’m grateful to have done it. I’m fortunate that I’ve been able to make a transition and I’m doing three other shows at the same time right now, so it obviously hasn’t held me back. I owe a lot to it. I never understood those actors that want to not embrace their past and why they have ill feelings. I think it’s great. I never got it.

Anything in the pipe that I didn’t touch on?

My MTV show [Randy Jackson Presents America’s Next Dance Crew] is coming back for another season next month… and Extra… I got a diet book coming out next month, though I’m not eating like it today. I’m staying busy.