Things I Am Obsessed With (Part Three of a 758 Part Series)

The Girls Next Door season finale was last night, and for those of you who missed it (bless your hearts, your life is empty) I will recap it:

Bridget left the mansion, for what she claims will only be four to five months, to host a Travel Channel show called Bridget’s Beaches. We all know she’s never coming back. But what happened to her damn dog and cat, who we’ve been forced to hear about for the past five seasons? (Two faced b*tch. Loves animals until she’s offered to prance around beaches for five months, now it’s catwhat?)

Holly didn’t talk the whole time, except to suggest Kendra get a stripper-pole for her new house (?!?!?!) and then to say bye to Hef when she leaves for Vegas for a weekend. Note: She did not call him Puffin or Baby Love. Do I sense a lover’s quarrel?

Kendra, after a long talk with her mother about how she’ll have to buy/make her own food and pay bills like an adult, decides to move out of the mansion and get her own house. One reason for leaving, she claims, is to pursue a relationship with a NFL player who apparently has very low standards. We then watch as she finds her dream house, a McMansion in the Valley. Seems fitting. Not to be overlooked, she (1) doesn’t cry while saying bye to Hef, (2) bawls when she says goodbye to the kitchen/butler staff, and (3) repeatedly talks about how much she has matured in the past five years. (Hahaha…)

Now, Kendra may or may not be the dumbest person to have survived through five seasons of a reality TV show, ever. But God help me, I love her anyway! Last week I saw an episode where she repeatedly announced she had peed in her rented scuba diving wetsuit. Remember when she got a grill? And when she cast her butt in white chocolate? Then painted feces on it in milk chocolate? Then gave it to Hef as a birthday present?

These, among other episodes and antics I cannot recall at this time, are just a few of the reasons I was heartbroken at the thought of not having her on GND anymore.

I didn’t mention the best part of last night’s show though. At the end… as the credits were rolling… they announced Kendra, the spinoff, would start this June! I am counting down the days! Kendra will showcase life in her new home including her futile attempts to cook, playing on the stripper-pole, and of course preparation for her wedding (the dumb NFL player proposed!).

Until June, get your Kendra fix right here: