[Find the Mercury's 25th Anniversary Issue (in print) near you by using this handy-dandy map, and read all of our anniversary stories here.—eds.]

I’m generally not one to romanticize the past. But that said, during our first 25 years? The Portland Mercury had some really fucking good times!

We also put out a lot of papers, worked our asses off, argued a bit, cried, yelled, lost our way, found it again, made some mistakes, apologized and tried to do better, gained staff, lost staff (fuck you, COVID), and for some unknown reason are still alive and kicking in 2025. I think about those times a lot. But on this, our 25th anniversary of newspapering, I hope you’ll indulge me in remembering and celebrating the fun times.

I recently sent out a call to former and current members of the Mercury family, asking for their favorite memories from the past 25 years, and here are just a few. We’ve always considered the Mercury as a group art project that’s fueled by fun, passion, a deep love for Portland—and as you’re about to learn—occasional coked-up drunkenness. Enjoy.

JULIANNE ESCOBEDO SHEPHERD, ARTS EDITRIX (2000-2004): “My main memory is that one time in 2003, when we had a show sponsored by Sparks and people were barfing by 9 pm. I think the Lifesavas performed? Can't remember the venue, but it had carpet—which made the puke not ideal!”

STEVE RESPONDS: Oh, and that was just one of oh-so-many memorable booze and drug-fueled parties… for example: A Christmas party where one employee stole a car to get there; a former publisher routinely handed out rolled joints along with holiday bonuses; and while returning from one staff party on a school bus (so we could drink more), the smell of vomit became so intense, we were sharing a cherry Chapstick to rub under our noses in order to cover the overpowering stench. Good times!

EZRA CARAEFF, DESIGNER/MUSIC EDITOR (2001-2011): “I know I'm supposed to write some wild tale of youthful indiscretion from my many years at the Mercury—like that time we stole the Willamette Week's Music Fest NW logo and sent them a pug-themed ransom note—but instead I’ll say that this city is better because of the Mercury. This paper has always cultivated and encouraged so many of us glorious weirdos, it’s truly a blessing. Oh yeah, and Art Alexakis once left me a very angry voicemail. I wish I saved that.”

STEVE RESPONDS: Ooh, what about the time we wrote something slightly negative about the Dandy Warhol’s Courtney Taylor-Taylor, who called us “baby brats” (and “little girls”?) and threatened legal action, claiming he would “own the paper”? In response, we devoted an entire issue to pretending he DID own the paper, and renamed it the Portland Mercury-Mercury! (C’mon, Taylor-Taylor… you gotta admit that was funny-funny.)

ELINOR JONES, COLUMNIST (THE TRASH REPORT), FILM CRITIC, DOCUMENTER OF RACCOONS (2012-PRESENT): “Three memories: 1) Several years ago I wrote a pretty mid review of a documentary about the adult male fans of My Little Pony and the Bronies waged a hate-mail campaign that lasted weeks. I lived, bitch. 2) Once I interviewed Pauly Shore and tried to talk about “wheezing the juice”—he wasn't having it. 3) Despite writing for this paper for over a decade, including several years with a literal photo of my real human face attached to my column, I’ve been recognized in public exactly one time, and it was when I was in a pharmacy picking up birth control.”

STEVE RESPONDS: The Mercury is no stranger to hate mail—the most we ever received was when we endorsed putting fluoride in the city’s water… and the anti-vax hippies went BANANAS! But I get it… it’s hard on people who wake up to the sudden harsh reality that they were wrong and we were ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. (Oh, and it didn’t help that we teased those dipshits relentlessly.)

KATIE LAKE, COMPTROLLER, AND TOO MANY OTHER MERCURY JOBS TO MENTION (2001-PRESENT): “Over the years, a few celebrities have wandered into our office. One of the strangest: Kato Kaelin stopped by to promote some product, and when asked to sign a knife, he politely declined and signed a football instead. Actor Sam Elliott also strolled in, radiating full gentleman energy, to pick up a copy of the Mercury for his mom. Other celebrities include Aidy Bryant, Patti Harrison, and our walls are decorated with personal autographs and well wishes from Rihanna, Benicio del Toro, and… Mario Lopez? Mario Lopez!”

STEVE RESPONDS: Oh, and don’t forget about an office visit from McGruff the Crime Dog who threatened to arrest employees while waving around a (fake) gun and guzzling PBRs. (It may or may not have been me. It was a different time.)

NED LANNAMANN, MUSIC EDITOR (2008-2019): “The annual “Best of” issue is a staple of local journalism, and a bonanza for ad sales. But we flipped the concept on its head and devised our own smartass “Best of” lists that were tremendously fun for the editorial team and a horrible nightmare for the sales reps. My favorite “Best of” issue was “The Best of Enchanted Forest,” where we spent a day at Oregon’s finest, weirdest theme park doing extensive “research.” (Included: “Best Make-Out Cave #3,” “Best Place to Suffocate a Coworker with a Poncho,” and “Best Self-Gratifying Animatronic Squirrel.”) These were joyful days—they were, in essence, field trips, and brought out the best in all of us.”

STEVE RESPONDS: That was SO… FUN! Despite the fact that a “Karen” accused us of being pedophiles, and Ned was almost suffocated with a plastic poncho on the Log Ride by a co-worker (who may or may not have been me… different times). 

ERIN RACKLEMAN, SALES ASSOCIATE, HUMP! TEAM (2014-2017): "The lingering memory of my days spent in the sales department of the Mercury office is the 'Mystery of the Bathroom Bandit.' Mid-morning, a strong odor would waft through the cubicles, and everyone would immediately know that the Bandit had struck again. Who just came out? Did you see? The bathroom blowout made it off-limits for hours, and judging by the potency of the stench, one could judge how wild the culprit’s previous night out was. Brad, our dutiful office manager, led investigations and circulated office-wide emails discouraging the daily dump, but somehow the Bandit persisted. Their identity remains a mystery to this day."

STEVE RESPONDS: I suppose there's no point in saying "it wasn't me," right?

CK DOLAN, MUSIC EDITOR (2016-2019): “I joined the Mercury when I was just 23 and racked up a ton of core memories, from Steve teaching me how to ride a bike to getting a cease and desist from a mobile toilet company that shall remain nameless."

JOSH JARDINE TAYLOR, COLUMNIST (CANNABUZZ), AND NUMEROUS OTHER ARTICLES ABOUT WEED (2015-2018). “I began writing the Mercury's cannabis column, "Cannabuzz" in 2015—a job I got after years of selling weed to several staff members.”

JUSTIN SANDERS, ARTS EDITOR (2002-2006): "During my time at the Merc, I sifted through dirty diapers and needles with the "pickers" at the Goodwill Bins and served as the referee for the Mercury’s 2004 Drunk Olympics. I once handily defeated Wm. Steven Humphrey in an acting contest, and have tap-danced in my underpants at more than one Mercury-sponsored event."

BLAIR STENVICK, NEWS REPORTER, ARTS EDITOR (2018-2021): "During the darkest days of COVID, a press release hit my inbox extolling the virtues of the new Pioneer Place Gucci store—and that was the final straw in my crashout. I rage-wrote what I believe became my most read blog post ever: "The Right Place at the Right Time: Portland Got a Gucci Store, Baby!!!" No other media outlet in Portland would've posted that, but I think it served as a real source of cathartic humor for Portland Twitter that day. In a nutshell, it's why I loved writing for the Merc."

JEN “DAVISON” WICK, DESIGNER AND ART DIRECTOR, (2000-2005): “It’s wild that for years it was a ‘tradition’ to auction off the Mercury girls for a date with a stranger. (See “Bad Idea, Right?”) Irreverence was a core job requirement of the Art Director position. Example: One year, the design department made a full-size, fake issue of Willamette Week, which we distributed during a newspaper conference. Back then it was hard to know the line between mean-spirited and deliciously funny—but it was also the most fun I’ve ever had.”

STEVE RESPONDS: Oh, speaking of that “newspaper conference,” the Mercury attempted to bribe convention-goers into voting us into their alternative newspaper association by giving them pot brownies (still illegal in 2003)—but we were rejected, even though they happily accepted and ate our brownies! However, as one of the last standing alternative weeklies in the nation, WHO’S LAUGHING NOW? (We are. We are the ones who are laughing.)

And we hope to keep laughing and producing fun, powerful work for as long as you’ll have us. You can read even more hilarious memories in the online version of this story, but in honor of the hundreds of beautiful people who have worked at the Mercury and those who read us every day? This issue is dedicated to YOU. Thanks for 25 years. Today and always, we appreciate you.

Yer pal,

Wm. Steven Humphrey

Editor-in-Chief of the Portland Mercury since 2000—so don’t get any funny ideas.