My pipes are frozen.

This morning, I used the leftover water in my tea kettle to wash my face and armpits. This makes me cranky. The snow was cute yesterday, but now I have to go to the store and buy a giant jug of bottled water just so I can gravity-flush my toilet. Booo! Winter sucks! It’s true—Just ask a cow:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=9XWOOs_tXqI%26hl%3Den%26fs%3D1

Marjorie Skinner is the Portland Mercury's Managing Editor, author of the weekly Sold Out column chronicling the area's independent fashion and retail industry, and a frequent contributor to the film and...