JPMorgan Chase, ladies and gentlemen:
To settle a barrage of government legal actions over the last year, JPMorgan Chase has agreed to penalties that now total $20 billion, a sum that could cover the annual education budget of New York City or finance the Yankees’ payroll for 10 years.
It is also a figure that most of the nation’s banks could not withstand if they had to pay it. But since the financial crisis, JPMorgan has become so large and profitable that it has been able to weather the government’s legal blitz, which has touched many parts of the bank’s sprawling operations.
Apparently the bank makes $25 billion a quarter, so, you know. Among the alternative punishments that experts say might have more impact: break the bank up.
These fines are a waste of time. If you steal $10 billion but know that the largest fine you could possibly pay is 20% of that figure, big fucking deal. You still end up pocketing $8 billion. You just write the “fine” into your theft plan as a bribery expense. Until some of these scumbags get thrown in jail like Bernie Madoff they have absolutely no incentive to quit screwing people over.
It’s not a fine, it’s just being forced to tip the government a tiny cut of the pirate booty.