SPERM Donors

Though it may surprise you, there has been more than one film made about attaching a codpiece device to a guy's twig 'n' berries in order to collect the "fruit of his loins." Sure, one or two of these pictures are passable, but most make me ask, "Why is Hollywood spending so much time and money on such an icky subject?" It also makes me ask, "Why am I so fascinated by it?"

A Boy and His Dog (1974)--What could be better than Don Johnson as one of the last virile men in a post-apocalyptic world, endlessly searching the wastelands for food and females, assisted by a telepathic, radar-endowed dog? After DJ is lured into an underground world of chalk-faced people (led by Jason Robards!) and captured, he finds himself attached to a "milking machine." During his escape, he must evade two of Hollywood's classic foes: glowing mutant elephants and robotic rednecks.

Hell Comes to Frogtown (1987)--Pro-wrestler "Rowdy" Roddy Piper stars as one of the last virile men in a post-apocalyptic world. His family jewels must be protected with a cleverly designed electric codpiece--but watch out! Because it SHOCKS the crap out of his 'nads whenever he tries to escape! Whose idea was this? This movie could only have been dreamed up by a bunch of frat boys who, upon waking after a drunken night of script writing, find themselves in the middle of filming. Special-effects budget--ha! Edit the screenplay--why bother? Just grab those frog suits and come out shootin'!

2069: A Sex Odyssey (1974)--Ah yes, softcore porn about alien women in need of seed from the virile volunteers of pre-apocalyptic Earth. It's like a dream come true! Or is it? After "raising the hopes" of the lucky men chosen as sperm donors, guess what these tricky vixens use to collect it? OUCH! Incidentally, my friend Alexa says this is her father's favorite movie. And I must say, that is totally screwed.