9:00 MTV MTV MOVIE AWARDS

The moderately talented Jimmy Fallon and the woefully untalented Kirsten Dunst host this year's festivities.

10:00 COM THAT'S MY BUSH

An anti-drug rally turns into a rave after George W. accidentally takes some Ecstasy!

8:00 UPN INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE--Movie

(1994) Tom Cruise stars in this homoerotic ode to the vampire--AND YET HE IS NOT GAY!!

9:00 E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY

Why did Crockett and Tubbs wear pastel suits and no socks? Find out in this startling exposè of Miami Vice!

8:00 UPN THE RAPTURE--Movie

(1991) Mimi Rogers stars as a coked-out sex addict who finds the Lord.

9:00 DSC HOW TO SURVIVE

This show tells you everything you need to know about how to survive on the beach--including drowning, shark attacks, and getting sand in your crack.

8:00 FX DIE HARD--Movie

(1988) Bruce Willis fights a building full of terrorists, and worse, walks around on broken glass in bare feet!

8:00 E! CELEBRITY PROFILE

The ups and downs of Brat-Packer Ally Sheedy (War Games, Breakfast Club, and that weird movie where she's a lesbian).

8:00 NBC FEAR FACTOR

In order to win 500,000 bucks, contestants face their greatest fears. Tonight: A man must use an outdoor toilet at a hippie concert.

9:00 FX PREDATOR--Movie

(1987) A bumpy-headed alien picks the wrong human to fuck with after setting his sights on Arnold Schwarzenegger!

8:00 WB FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF--Movie

(1986) I'm sorry... but somebody needs a good ass-whuppin', and that somebody is Ferris Bueller!

9:00 WB BUFFY, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

Dawn comes to the startling realization that I had absolutely nothing to do with her sister's death.