THURSDAY, JANUARY 10

8:30 NBC 30 ROCK

Season finale (thanks to the stupid writers' strike)! Kenneth gets addicted to "devil's liquid"—coffee!

10:00 BRAVO MAKE ME A SUPERMODEL

Debut! Niki Taylor and Tyson Beckford try to turn 14 schlubs into super hot supermodels.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 11

9:30 CMT MY BIG REDNECK WEDDING

Debut! It's the classic story of hillbilly-meets-hog, hillbilly-marries-hog.

11:00 HBO REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER

Season premiere! Likeable blowhard Bill returns with a stellar lineup of Bush bashers.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 12

9:00 SCIFI THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY—Movie

(2005) Based on Douglas Adams' book, a human and his alien pal travel the cosmos after Earth is blown to poop.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 13

9:00 PBS MASTERPIECE

Masterpiece Theatre hips up its name, as well as the cast of Jane Austen's Persuasion, costarring Anthony Head (Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer)!

8:00 FOX TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES

Debut! Sarah protects her son from a bunch of futuristic a-hole tin cans.

MONDAY, JANUARY 14

8:00 FOX PRISON BREAK

Season premiere! Michael loses weight the easy way—in a Panamanian sweatbox!

8:00 NBC AMERICAN GLADIATORS

A mother of twins battles a shark fisherman. Can't the twins just battle the shark?

TUESDAY, JANUARY 15

8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL

Season premiere! Oh, for the love of God... here we go again. Well, bring on the retards!

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 16

10:00 BRAVO PROJECT RUNWAY

The contestants must impress a super snooty Italian judge in this show that gets better by the episode!

10:30 COM RENO 911!

Season premiere! Deputy Wiegel has a beautiful newborn baby—which she is prepared to sell to the highest bidder.