THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 28

9:00 ABC LOST

While flying back to the freighter, Desmond experiences unusual side effects. Vomity side effects.

9:00 CW REAPER

In this funny repeat, Sam is forced to do plumbing chores for Satan's naggy girlfriend! Oh, if I only had a nickel....

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 29

8:00 TVLAND SIXTEEN CANDLES—Movie

(1984) Molly Ringwald? The only thing standing between you and hunky Jake Ryan is your family, Long Duk Dong... and ME!

SATURDAY, MARCH 1

7:00 SPIKE KILL BILL VOL. 1—Movie

(2003) Uma Thurman stars as an ass-kickin' assassin in this amazingly fun Tarantino revenge flick!

11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

New episodes are back, and this week's host is Juno's adorable Ellen Page.

SUNDAY, MARCH 2

9:30 FOX UNHITCHED

Debut! Poor Rashida Jones (Karen from The Office) stars in this bonehead sitcom from the bonehead Farrelly Brothers.

10:00 AMC BREAKING BAD

Walter discovers that chemotherapy is putting a real crimp in his meth production business.

MONDAY, MARCH 3

8:00 ABC THE ROYAL FAMILY

Host Barbara Walters answers pressing questions about the royal family, such as, "Why doesn't Hawwy wea-uh a cwown?"

9:00 FOX TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES

Season finale! The terminators from the future close in on John. Will their presence ruin his prom?

TUESDAY, MARCH 4

9:00 FOX NEW AMSTERDAM

Debut! A homicide cop is also an immortal who will never age a day until he finds his one true love. It's like wussy Highlander!

11:00 BRAVO THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC

Debut! Looks like it's not only the women of Orange County who are desperate (and addicted to Botox).

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 5

10:00 BRAVO PROJECT RUNWAY

The final three show their designs at Bryant Park, a winner is chosen and then slips quietly into obscurity.

10:30 COM RENO 911!

Season finale! The deputies end another season in a humiliating (and possibly deadly) fashion.