THURSDAY, APRIL 24

9:00 ABC GREY'S ANATOMY

Return! Meredith and the gang compete in a surgery contest. (Why do I suspect the patients are going to be the losers?)

10:00 ABC LOST

Return! Locke's camp comes under attack. Where is that invisible polar bear when you need him?!

FRIDAY, APRIL 25

10:00 SCIFI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

The lower Cylons turn against the upper Cylons. Better hide your can openers!

SATURDAY, APRIL 26

9:00 ANI GROOMER HAS IT

The groomers must style a pack of bitey, poopy puppies!

11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

If you missed the bizarre Christopher Walken episode, here's your second chance to catch the weirdness!

SUNDAY, APRIL 27

8:00 FOX THE SIMPSONS

Bart attempts to save a cow, while his parents try to stop him from getting married. How are these stories related?

9:00 VH1 CELEBRACADABRA

Debut! Washed-up celebs compete to see who can be the best magician? STOP THE MADNESS!

MONDAY, APRIL 28

8:00 CW GOSSIP GIRL

Serena's former partner-in-crime Georgina (Buffy's Michelle Trachtenberg) returns to whip up new trouble!

9:00 FOX HOUSE

Return! Dr. House is forced to give his staff performance reviews. "You all SUCK. That was easy."

TUESDAY, APRIL 29

9:00 CW REAPER

Sam's girlfriend catches him beheading a demon. (That's not slang for masturbation, by the way.)

10:00 FX THE RICHES

Season finale! Dahlia and Wayne see a relationship counselor—giving them one more person to lie to.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 30

8:00 CW AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

The girls learn gladiator-style fighting, which has nothing to do with modeling, but do we care? NO!!!

9:00 CW FARMER WANTS A WIFE

Debut! A farmer gets to choose between 10 women. In other words, it's The Bachelor: Hillbilly Style!