At least you still have your ability to "blouuuurg"!
This is amazing, can I please be a "pot riddled ass wipe portland scumbag"??
I love how he just name drops so many things, this guy is great. He should get a column to educate all of Portlandia.
I kind of want to write everything from now on with a cube of butter on my face (but not my ass) as a fuck you to that guy. And because I like butter.

Whoa. That kinda turned me on.
Money can buy a great education,but it doesn't always stick. This guy excels at using "trade lingo" and frat party catch phrases. The curse of the famous parent seems to be written all over him- name dropping, prop dropping (I wonder how many "golden mic's" Sinatra had made to give to his pals kids?) If he's trying to be a comedian, he's gonna have a small but faithful audience. I laughed. And then I got bored.
A dictionary and a book on grammar would make wonderful Xmas presents for him.
you know, i've been prone to use an excessive semi-colon or two. but what this man has done with the ellipsis is just criminal.
then again, his dad is better than my dad, so i probably shouldn't say anything about it. otherwise, he'll beat me up next time i'm in l.a.
When someone uses ellipses like that, it's hard to not imagine them as junkies who fall asleep mid-sentence, and it's probably not far off.

"if you wanted an "in" to the messed with the wrong persons father"


I propose we draft an abject apology on Fartney's behalf, and see if we can't set up a pitch meeting with JM.
Everyone knows what a "golden microphone" is. This poor kid was abused as a child and is just acting out until he gets treatment.

I would run with than name Cuntney.

Well whaddaya expect when you've insulted the star of BELA LUGOSI MEETS A BROOKLYN GORILLA??!? Bonga Bonga.
I totally understand the impulse to defend ones father. No one likes to have their dearly departed parents mocked.

But this guy. Jesus. This guy just made his whole genetic line look like a dead end. Grats!
(I've watched that trailer at least a dozen times in my life, and I'm contained within a dharma womb of perfect contentment, with no desire to see the rest of the picture.)

I defy anyone to say that word aloud and not chuckle.
"Everyone knows what a "golden microphone" is."
What does that mean? Is it slang? Or is it just a golden microphone, literally...
I just want to say that this is another reason I kind of look up to minor Portland celebrities like Courtney and the rest of the Mercury staff. I sincerely wish that I had a job in which someone would be so angry they would have to make insulting puns about my name. And it would be so easy, people. Martin rhymes with "fartin'," you know.
One day you're happily reading ULYSSES, the next it's "Either that paragraph breaks or I do."
Hey, if you make unflattering assertions about a guy's parents, you can expect some blowback. You could have dealt with it in a mature manner. Or, you could have posted the guy's response on your blog in an attempt to expose him to public ridicule. The choice was yours.
Re: J. I think you made the right choice, Courtney.
+1 ROM.

J, it's criticism for fuck's sake. Every review of every piece of art of any kind involves CRITICISM of a human being who is a) definitely someone's child and b) possibly someone's parent.

Do you really think that every "unflattering" portion of a review should lead to angry, insulting letters from the family members of the reviewed, challenging them to a fistfight? That's a reasonable response to artistic criticism?

The real tragedy is that I didn't get to see this movie.
The whole "My dad is better than your dad" vibe is just hilarious to me. I bet his dad would be disgusted by what the son has turned into...
I think this letter could be useful as a powerful anti-drug warning to youth.
instead of you're.
@abusive: he used a correct "you're" in the beginning of the first sentence that she quoted. But then two letters later used it incorrectly. I know I'm impressed!
Mind=blown. I've learned so much from the tragic comedy that is Duke's failed offspring. Please, Jeffrey, learn some basics about the English language before you feel the burning need to "defend" your dad's "legacy" (and the obviously uncontrollable desire to glean any fading glamour from it) by spouting off publicly.

Let's all "like" his Facebook page - where I learned even more as to the root of a fractured psychology which would lead to challenging you to a duel. Of course, it wasn't because an Academy award winner forwarded this to me did I even see it, being from Portlandia 'n' all.
Oh my! This thing is a treasure! My absolute favorite part is this earnest lesson hidden betwixt rude judgements, schoolyard insults, and ignorant assumptions:
" one should judge anyone and make rude remarks about someone unless they are sure.."


Close runner-up was the part about islands of truth and islands of pain.
Duke Mitchell made two great schlocky exploitation movies, both near masterpieces as far as real grindhouse cinema is concerned. But, after reading this, I love his son even more. Not only because he sounds like a 45 year old manchild trapped in the body of a petulant four year old with peanut butter on his fingers trying to grab and touch every knob in Daddy's car (a type of people I have a personal bias in favor of), but because Frank & Dino & Paul McCartney were his babysitters (or something like that? I think?... Jeffrey Mitchell's language is as cryptic as Sumerian hieroglyphics), and also how his dad could apparently kick this blogger's dad's ass, but mostly I respect his talent and unorthodox approach to writing; James Joyce re-invented the novel, Donald Barthelme re-invented the short story, and with this response Jeffrey Mitchell has clearly revolutionized the blogosphere, sending literary shockwaves across the globe with his "take no prisoners" approach. Grammatical accuracies? Punctuation? Coherent sentences and/or thoughts? FUCK YOU, OLD MAN!!! THIS AIN'T YOUR DAD'S HATEMAIL! THIS IS HATEMAIL FROM A NEW BREED; WE'RE OUT FOR BLOOD AND WE'RE TOO ENRAGED FOR YOUR PUSSY FARTMOUTH ENGLISH SEMBLANCE!.... YOU FARTHEAD!... I can see why Hollywood Today would ofteneded approach him to writeded for them.

After reading this I'm just glad to see that I'm not the only person in this world that is going to die alone.

Please wait...

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