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  • I’m a photoshop genius
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  • Seriously, Bane Always looks this stupid

TODAY IN BAT-NEWS™:

Ending years of bespectacled nerd speculation, Warner Bros. has announced that Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises (heh) will feature Anne Hathaway playing one of Batman’s most interesting characters, Catwoman, and Tom Hardy playing one of Batman’s stupidest characters, Bane.

You might remember Hathaway from her excellent turns in Brokeback Mountain, Get Smart, Alice in Wonderland, and Ezra Ace Caraeff’s favorite film, The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement. Hardy, meanwhile, kicked all sorts of ass in Bronson, sniveled his way through a forgotten turn as Jean-Luc Picard’s whiny clone in Star Trek: Nemesis, and is most famous as “that beefy dreamboat from Inception.”

As for the cinematic history of their characters, I’ll be forever indebted to Michelle Pfieffphereprer’s Catwoman for jumpstarting my puberty in Tim Burton’s Batman Returns, while some people might vaguely remember that dipshit S&M fiend/steroid junkie Bane from Joel Schumacher’s Batman and Robin. Hey, that reminds me:

Wait, shit. I totally forgot Catwoman once had her own movie, too. 🙁

Shitty old Batman movies aside, Hathaway and Hardy are two great actors—but does it seem weird to anybody else that Catwoman and Bane are gonna be in Nolan’s final bat-movie? So far, Nolan’s series has been dark, gritty, and semi-realistic in a way that’s made it stand out from other superhero franchises. But both Catwoman and Bane are cartoony enough—or are frequently portrayed as such—that it seems they could skew The Dark Knight Rises into lighter territory. Or hell, maybe Nolan’s totally retooling these characters so they make more sense in his particular universe; god knows on the surface, plenty of characters in Batman Begins and The Dark Knight seem pretty goofy.

The @God_Damn_Batman has some thoughts on today’s news, too.

With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.

9 replies on “Anne Hathaway is Catwoman, Tom Hardy is Bane, and I Have Too Much Time on My Hands.”

  2. They should have cast her as Harley Quinn instead.

    Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot. Nolan’s Batman movies aren’t fun.

    Anyway, Hathaway will be fine. She’s no Julie Newmar, but none of the other Catwomen could hold a candle to Julie Newmar either.

  4. I’ll bet you Bane turns out to be an urbane if eccentric Englishman who just HAPPENS to break Batman’s spine at the end of the movie.

  5. where TH is robin/azrael/etc etc to pick up the slack? batman will not be injured. i will be bored and wait in line to pre-buy tickets.

  7. Oh, so in Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, Princess Mia has just turned 21 and is supposed to succeed her grandmother as the Queen of Genovia. But Viscount Mabrey who wishes that his nephew who is also in line to the throne to be the new ruler, reminds everyone of a law that states that an unmarried woman can’t be made queen, and with the backing of parliament, he opposes Mia’s coronation. But Queen Clarice asks that Mia be allowed time to find a husband, and she is given 30 days. But Mabrey tries to do what he can to stop that. But his nephew, Nicholas has met Mia and they are both attracted to each other but Mia upon learning who he is, dislikes and doesn’t trust him but Clarice has invited him to stay with them for the 30 day period to keep an eye on him. /sigh

    In other words, Tom Hardy will suck as Bane.

  8. Everybody had raised eyebrows when it was announced Heath Ledger would be playing the joker. We shall see. Hardy looked pretty bad ass in that movie Bronson.

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