RED DAWN “Awesome idea, guys! They’ll never think to look for us behind a log!”

TO SAY THAT the remake of Red Dawn is better than the original isn’t saying a lot: John Milius’ 1984 flick is basically just porn for people in militias. Because you never know! Russia could invade at any minute—and then only a heavily armed band of teenagers will have the balls to fight back!

In 2012’s Red Dawn, the Ruskie invaders have smartly been replaced with the Chinese—which makes perfect sense, as the Chinese will inevitably conquer us all. Oh, but wait: Red Dawn was shot back in 2009, before China became a super-important film market! Awkward. Luckily, Asians are interchangeable, so this Red Dawn got some CG revisions to turn its invaders into… um… North Koreans? Huh. North Koreans are about as threatening as Kiwis, but okay.

This time around, dreamy Iraq vet Jed (Chris Hemsworth) is visiting his family in Spokane when—AAAH! North Koreans start falling from the sky, shouting gibberish and shooting Americans! Chucking his emo brother Matt (Josh Peck) and Matt’s dweeby friends into his pickup, Jed heads for the hills… and prepares to fight back. Soon enough, these tykes are a tight-knit group of sadistic little terrorists, finally putting all those hours of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare to good use.

Like last summer’s completely unnecessary Total Recall remake, the surprising thing about this completely unnecessary remake is that it’s significantly better than it needs to be. It’s as charmingly hammy as its predecessor, but this louder, punchier Red Dawn also makes a few decent stabs at establishing actual characters, not to mention getting some mileage out of good ol’ irony. (Jed’s time in Iraq made him an IED expert? Thanks for the tips, Iraqi insurgents!) But rest assured, National Rifle Associates: This Red Dawn still taps into the delusional, violent, unapologetic jingoism that made the first Red Dawn such a bizarrely fun fantasy. As one gentleman proudly noted after my screening, “Them kids really got ‘er done.” Indeed they did, sir. Indeed they did.

Red Dawn

dir. Dan Bradley
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With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.

2 replies on “Child Soldiers”

  1. Call+Response: Open Source Activism
    Child soldiers and other modern day slaves

    Trailer
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZGTTVg83LE…

    http://www.youtube.com/user/CallAndRespons…

    http://www.callandresponse.com

    VISION

    We believe the end of modern day slavery will come from individuals who gather together to push on businesses, media, and governments to support their existing values for human rights. We believe that this is a bottom-up movement that needs dynamic information, sustained inspiration, and most importantly, tactile activation.
    PURPOSE

    To screen our film, Call+Response, worldwide and provide audiences with low-shelf, hands-on opportunities to act and engage through mobile phones and online platforms.
    BIO

    CALL+RESPONSE is a first of its kind feature documentary film that reveals the world’s 27 million dirtiest secrets: there are more slaves today than ever before in human history. CALL+RESPONSE goes deep undercover where slavery is thriving from the child brothels of Cambodia to the slave brick kilns of rural India to reveal that in 2009, Slave Traders made more money than Google, Nike and Starbucks combined.

    Luminaries on the issue such as Cornel West, Madeleine Albright, Daryl Hannah, Julia Ormond, Ashley Judd, Nicholas Kristof, and many other prominent political and cultural figures offer first hand account of this 21st century trade. Performances from Grammy-winning and critically acclaimed artists including Moby, Natasha Bedingfield, Cold War Kids, Matisyahu, Imogen Heap, Talib Kweli, Five For Fighting, Switchfoot, members of Nickel Creek and Tom Petty’s Heartbreakers, Rocco Deluca move this chilling information into inspiration for stopping it.

    Music is part of the movement against human slavery. Dr. Cornel West connects the music of the American slave fields to the popular music we listen to today, and offers this connection as a rallying cry for the modern abolitionist movement currently brewing.

    There is a sea of change happening in human rights activism. The world’s issues cannot be solved alone by governments and non-profits, but require community-based participation. As a feature film, CALL+RESPONSE has the unique position of being not only a ground-breaking genre-bending film, but also serves as a deft tool in the hands of 21st Century Abolitionists. We provide activists with tactile strategic online and mobile tools to fight slavery everyday. We believe this is a fight that must that is won with passion, innovation, and commitment.

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