You might think after that embarrassing Legends of the Guardians: The Owls of Hylehoolehe business, we’d already mocked director Zack Snyder to the point where it wouldn’t make sense to do so anymore. AND YET: Here’s the latest trailer for Snyder’s Sucker Punch!

Here, I can save you some time: This trailer’s exactly like the last one, except now it has some atrocious dialogue laid over it. Said atrocious dialogue is voiced in a bored monotone by Scott Glenn, who’s apparently playing a character named “Wiseman.” Hey, wanna know how you can tell Snyder wrote Sucker Punch in addition to directing it? The wise man character is named “Wiseman.”

Confused? Well, all you need to know about the plot is SCARY DRAGONS SAMURAI SEXY CRAZY SCHOOLGIRLS. Which, coincidentally, was the first-draft title for the screenplay. (Hey, at least it all makes more sense than the news regarding Broadway musical about Houdini starring Wolverine, scored by Danny Elfman, and written by Aaron Sorkin, right?)

Thanks to Blogtown commenter McAngryPants for the heads up.

With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.

8 replies on “If the Horse Is Dead, Blogtown Bludgeons It.”

  1. Sorry, Erik – I love Zack Snyder. He’s the first director I’ve really found myself following. I just realized a few weeks ago that I can name most of his movies, and really liked each of them – and I couldn’t name any other director’s catalog. I think I’ve been amazed by every movie he’s made. They look…just like they should? The same as they do in my imagination?

  3. I’m glad someone is still making music videos…oh, wait.

    The unfortunate thing is that this is going to be PG-13. If ever a movie needed a Russ Meyer touch….

  4. I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue, and also, the wrong week to stop fetishising Asian culture as it is understood by 15 year old glue sniffing virgins.

  5. Snyder is a guilty pleasure. I know that I get less intelligent every time I watch one his movies, but they are quite shiny and violent and fun. He’s like Tarantino, sort of, but even dumber.

  7. Are Page/Plant/Jones totally over not licensing their music for things? I know Linklater directed that whole scene begging them to use “Immigrant Song” in School of Rock, but what did Snyder do to get a Led Zeppelin song?

  8. Showgirls meets Mortal Combat!
    Kill Bill for the Taylor Swift generation! (Now with more fun!)

    Wait a sec. Did I just see animated zeppelins in a trailer that starts with a Led Zeppelin song?

    Fuck. We’re doomed.

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