I'm Staying Home

One of our generation’s most talented thespians, Quentin Tarantino
has also won renown as director of such TV shows as CSI and
ER. But such trifling matters do not concern us! Let us remember
the moving, Oscar-worthy performances.

Planet Terror (2007)—Tarantino’s portrayal of
“Rapist #1” brought audiences to tears. Especially when Rapist #1 got a
chair leg rammed into his eye socket.

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)—Yet another nuanced
turn as a rapist—a rapist who turns into a vampire! Lonely,
overweight Twilight fans owe a debt to Tarantino for pioneering
the “rapey vampire” role.

Sukiyaki Western Django (2007)—As a cowboy in
Takashi Miike’s trippy western, Tarantino uses a snake’s egg to make an
omelette or something? Fuck if I know. It’s a Takashi Miike movie, for
chrissakes; Tarantino’s just lucky Miike didn’t make him have tentacle
sex with a Gundam or something.

Tarantino Slaps a Cameraman (2008)—YouTube user
“Filmmaker45” summarizes this short film thusly: “QT getting his cup of
coffee and is annoyed by this paparazzi. He then lets the paparazzi
know how he feels about that. Tarantino is awesome.” (Also recommended:
Quentin Tarantino Spits on Some Dude.)

All-American Girl (1995)—Fresh from the set of
Pulp Fiction, Tarantino played “Desmond” on one episode of
Margaret Cho’s sitcom. I’m too lazy to look it up, but maybe there
was a joke about how crazy it is to be a Korean American lesbian? Or
about what they call Korean American lesbians in France?

The Golden Girls (1988)—Tarantino played “Elvis
Impersonator” in “Sophia’s Wedding: Part I.” I’ll put it this way:
There’s a reason GG fans consistently vote “Sophia’s Wedding:
Part I” as one of the best half-hours of television ever filmed, but
they cannot fucking stand “Sophia’s Wedding: Part II.”