Oh, FUCK THIS.
StudioCanal has announced that it will be teaming with Neal Moritz’s L.A.-based Original Films to reboot Cliffhanger.
A big-budget international action-adventure thriller set in a big mountain milieu, the makeover of Renny Harlin’s 1993 pic will center on a group of young climbers.
“Just as they rebooted Star Trek, we’re going to do the same with Cliffhanger,” said Moritz, who will produce. Unlike the original, where Italy stood in for the Colorado Rockies, the new redo looks set to feature multiple cliff-face locations.
ARGH. Again: FUCK THIS. I love Cliffhanger so goddamn much. In fact, if I was forced at gunpoint to pick a favorite Renny Harlin film—a task I don’t wish upon anyone—Cliffhanger would win, even over Die Hard 2: Die Harder, and yes, even over Deep Blue Sea. It’s fucking Die Hard in the mountains, man! With STALLONE! Fighting JOHN LITHGOW! With THAT ONE CHICK FROM NORTHERN EXPOSURE! Jesus Christ, man, HE KILLS SOMEBODY WITH A STALACTITE!
News like this makes me hate everything about life. Luckily, videos like the one below—in which one equally dedicated Cliffhanger fan set scenes from the movie to Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On a Prayer”—reminds me why I don’t just jam a stalactite through my eye and end it all. Thank you, YouTube user “ramboraph.”
I will say this about Cliffhanger…
…it’s always on On-Demand.
If “ramboraph” isn’t actually “Erik Henriksen,” I don’t know what’s what.
Remaking Cliffhanger. Wow. They’re really getting good at this viral marketing shit.
Maybe it’s mostly an excuse to make a new Cliffhanger video game. The one for SNES kinda sucked.
My guess on a villain: Cybernetic John Lithgow. After Lithogow’s “death” his body fell into an ice cave, where it froze solid and sat for years. In time, treasure hunters are combing the mountains for the famed cash that was lost in the first film. A group of these hikers/treasure seekers comes across a frozen John Lithgow. He is taken to some scientists who are not only experimenting with regenerating frozen tissue, but also experimenting with bionic replacement limbs. Well, I think you can see where this is going – a resurrected, now CYBERNETIC, John Lithgow still wants his cash from the Big Heist. After recruiting a new gang of criminals from the treasure seekers who found his body, he will stop at NOTHING to recover what’s rightfully his! There is only one thing standing in his way…Stallone’s son, and his rag-tag group of search and rescue mountaineers! Will they be enough to stop the maniacal John Lithgow?