Celebrate your independence by sitting on your fat can and watching these red, white, and blue flicks on the tube!

Fantastic Voyage (1966)–Itty-bitty scientists take the scenic route though a dying man’s blood stream with hubba-hubba Raquel Welch! (Sat July 1, 11 am, AMC)

Rocky (1976)–Sylvester Stallone represents a white America who can’t stand to see a successful black man excel at anything. (Sat July 1, 8 pm, TNT)

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai (1984)–Peter Weller stars as a neurosurgeon/rock star/superhero in this hilariously weird cult classic. (Sat July 1, 11:30 pm, USA)

Psycho (1960)–Boy meets girl, boy stabs girl, boy keeps dead skeleton of mother in attic. (Sun July 2, 5:30 pm, AMC)

Say Anything (1989)–Well, as love stories go, it’s no Psycho. John Cusack is good, though! (Tue July 4, 11 am, FXM)

Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983)–John Landis’ tribute to the classic TV series hit a snag after actor Vic Morrow’s head got lopped off by a helicopter blade. Hey John! Thanks for the sever-ance pay! (Tue July 4, 3 pm, Encore)

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)