Poultry On Film
As another Thanksgiving Day rolls around, now is a good time as any to think about what the holiday means to us. To me, it means poultry. And there’s nothing that whets my appetite for turkey sandwiches, goose-liver pate, and McDonald’s Chicken Tenders like a good movie about our fine feathered friends. Poultry–we love you!!
• Million Dollar Duck (1971)–Mmmm, I love me some duck. And
I especially love a duck that can make me an ass-load of money! In this Disney
classic, Dean Jones stars as Professor Albert Dooley. When the dumb-butt doc
accidentally showers Charley, the family duck, with radiation, it means two
things: A) Thanksgiving dinner is ruined, and B) now the duck lays eggs with
solid-gold yolks! Dooley and his one-eyed wife, Sandy Duncan, celebrate–until
the evil Treasury Department goes “quackers” over Charley! Ho, ho, ho! Look
out, Treasury Department! Looks like the “yolk” is going to be on YOU!
• Eraserhead (1977)–This infamous cult classic directed by
David Lynch lacks only one thing: MORE POULTRY. However, in this mind-boggling
tale of Henry Spencer (Twin Peaks‘ Jack Nance), at least a tasty Cornish
game hen is present. Henry is having dinner with his new wife (Mary X) and the
in-laws (Mr. and Mrs. X). But when Henry is given the honor of carving up their
delicious feast, a weird runny goo pours out of the game hen, and the bird leaps
up and starts doing the hoochie-coo! Mrs. X goes into a trance and leaves the
table, but Mr. X lets us know, “She’ll be alright in a minute.”
• Rooster: Spurs of Death! (1983)–Actually, as far as poultry
goes, one can do better than a rooster. That’s why it’s okay to watch them FIGHT
TO THE DEATH! Cockfighting is the sport du jour in this small southern
town… that is until cocky young idealist Vincent Van Patten shows up and tries
to ruin the fun for everybody. Though ostensibly a condemnation of the sport,
you don’t mix midgets and extra-slo-mo cockfighting scenes in a movie unless
you’ve developed a little “taste” for it. Know what I mean?
