When I heard there was going to be a remake of Point Break, I wasn’t worried. “Surfers rob banks in order to obtain ultimate rush” is a timeless tale that could be updated to include any number of topical sports and financial institutions, right? Not even noted terrible writer Kurt Wimmer (Equilibrium) could screw that up, right? I mean we’re not exactly talking Shakespeare, right? Right?
Alas, the new Point Break doesn’t indulge in fan-service so much as nostalgia strip-mining, thoughtlessly gobbling up iconic scenes from Kathryn Bigelow’s 1991 original and regurgitating them into a fetid slurry of soullessly re-contextualized soundbites and empty callbacks. All your favorite hits are here, including “shooting gun in air” and “reference to former presidents,” but without the structure that once made those moments work.