Thursday, July 20
8:00 CBS BIG BROTHER
Who will be voted out of the house tonight? Big mouth (but sexy) William, or passive-aggressive stripper Jordan?
8:00 FOX POWDER–Movie
(1995) Weird albino kid with telepathic powers gets persecuted because (duh!) he’s a weird albino kid with telepathic powers!
Friday, July 21
9:30 ABC MAKING THE BAND
On the eve of their first big concert, the boys of O-Town realize they are talentless (albeit cute) hacks.
11:15 AMC FANTASTIC VOYAGE–Movie
(1966) Some scientists, Raquel Welch, and one lucky I Love Television reader get miniaturized and shot into someone’s bloodstream!
Saturday, July 22
7:00 TBS SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT–Movie
(1977) Perhaps Ingmar Bergman’s most poignant film, wherein a sheriff attempts to capture an errant trucker–as well as his elusive soul.
8:00 TNT TOP GUN–Movie
(1986) Yet another Bergman classic, in which a young navy pilot makes peace with his dead father and latent homosexuality.
Sunday, July 23
8:00 USA WORLD’S DEADLIEST SWARMS
Actual footage of bees, locusts, and wasps stinging actual human ass!
9:00 COM STRANGERS WITH CANDY
A special one-hour episode! Jeri gets lured into a love cult, and it’s up to her friends to forget she was ever born!
Monday, July 24
8:00 SCI CROSSING OVER WITH JOHN EDWARDS
Psychic John Edwards delivers messages from dead people to grieving relatives, including “I told you to pick up your roller skates! Now because of YOU, Daddy is DEAD!”
Tuesday, July 25
8:00 WB BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Buffy and her politically correct friends experience ethical trouble when evil Indian spirits visit on Thanksgiving.
10:00 USA THE WAR NEXT DOOR
Debut! A retired secret agent is stalked by his arch-nemesis–who happens to live next door!
Wednesday, July 26
9:00 FOX GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS
A double-jointed man goes for the egg-crushing record. (Ewwww! That sounds dirty!)