Thursday, January 4
9:00 JACKASS
Johnny Knoxville celebrates the holidays by getting a high colonic.
9:00 NBC WILL & GRACE
Will becomes concerned when Grace starts acting like a wife instead of a fag hag.
Friday, January 5
8:00 T NT GOOD MORNING, VIETNAM–Movie
(1987) Kind of like M*A*S*H… except even more fawking stupid.
9:00 WB POPULAR
Josh gets his jock strap in a wad when a big, beautiful black man joins the team!
Saturday, January 6
8:00 ABC THE ROCK–Movie
(1996) When rebel soldiers take over Alcatraz, Navy SEALs enlist the help of a doddering old bed wetter.
9:00 E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY
Still love the Beatles? Then see how those no-good horndogs treated their women in “The Beatle Wives.”
Sunday, January 7
8:00 FO THE SIMPSONS
After Homer has a crayon removed from his brain, he becomes hyper-intelligent!
10:00 ABC THE PRACTICE
Crazy client William Hinks threatens to kill Lindsay again. Jesus, enough talking… do it already!!
Monday, January 8
8:00 ABC AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS
Britney Spears is hosting this year’s event, which means “Helloooo, train wreck!”
9:30 AMC BEDAZZLED–Movie
The original version starring dumpy Dudley Moore, as opposed to the new version starring hottie Elizabeth Hurley.
Tuesday, January 9
8:00 WB BUFFY, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Buffy finally gets rid of Riley, but who pops up in his place? An ugly, deeply annoying troll. Not an improvement!
9:30 NBC THREE SISTERS
Debut! A new sitcom about three sexy siblings. This episode: Nora sells her eggs on eBay.
Wednesday,
January 10
10:00 WB JACK & JILL
Return! Yahoo! Jack & Jill is finally back… and I think I might remember liking it.