Thursday, July 5
8:00 CBS BIG BROTHER 2
Debut! This junior-varsity version of Survivor returns with a new houseload of insecure people.
8:30 NBC SPY TV
Hilarity ensues when cab customers discover their driver is actually… a serial killer!
Friday, July 6
8:00 ABC MAKING THE BAND
After dumping manager Lou Pearlman, the O-Town boys crap the bed after realizing they’re ill-prepared for a nationwide tour.
8:00 BET FOXY BROWN–Movie
(1974) Pam Grier stars as an ass-kickin’ soul sister who takes revenge on the drug dealers who killed her man!
Saturday, July 7
9:00 ANI WEIRD, BAD, AND UGLY
The ugliest animals in the world, including the proboscis monkey, who has a big ugly nose and a big ugly ass!
9:00 NBC ROBOCOP–Movie
(1987) Big corporation turns dead guy into super-cyber cop in the Paul Verhoeven classic!
Sunday, July 8
8:00 MTV TOUGH ENOUGH
The WWF trains a bunch of MTV rednecks to become wrasslers in this strangely fascinating show.
9:00 SCI-FI GATTACA–Movie
(1997) Ethan Hawke tries to trick a giant corporation into believing he’s genetically perfect. (Hey pal! You can start by fixing those ugly teeth!)
Monday, July 9
9:00 WB ANGEL
Vampire Harmony drops in from Sunnydale to visit, do some shopping, and maybe suck off a few civilians.
9:00 A&E CRIME STORY–Movie
(1986) The pilot episode of this snappy ’60s-style crime drama, starring Dennis Farina! Recommended!
Tuesday, July 10
9:00 USA SPECIES–Movie
(1995) “Look out, she’s a deadly alien!” “No, she isn’t! She’s a beautiful nekkid lady!” “ALIEN!” “LADY!” “GAACCK! WE’RE DEAD!”
10:30 MTV BECOMING
In order for an MTV viewer to become Britney Spears, her favorite celebrity, she’s given a frontal lobotomy–for FREE!
Wednesday, July 11
8:30 ABC YOU DON’T KNOW JACK
Paul “Pee-wee” Reubens hosts this game show based on the computer game–and it’s actually funny! KA-BOING!!