Thursday, July 12
8:00 FOX NIGHT VISIONS
Debut! A new anthology of horror stories in the vein of The Twilight Zone, hosted by sellout hack Henry Rollins.
Friday, July 13
8:00 FOX WW3–TV Movie
(2001) When Rooskies start shooting off biochemical bombs, America directs its hopes toward Timothy Hutton and Vanessa Williams.
10:30 ESPN2 RUNNING OF THE BULLS
Dumbshit frat boys get mercifully gored in this annual event broadcast live from Spain.
Saturday, July 14
8:00 NBC JURASSIC PARK–Movie
(1993) Steven Spielberg directed this thriller about ornery dinosaurs who don’t even eat one single kid!
8:00 DSC WHEN AIRPLANES CRASH
Footage of planes smashing into mountains and tumbling down runways in flames… just in time for travel season!
Sunday, July 15
8:00 COM PECKER–Movie
(1998) Edward Furlong plays an annoying kid who becomes an even more annoying hotshot photographer in this flick by John Waters.
11:00 A&E CRIME STORY
The smooth-as-shit ’60s-style police drama returns, starring Dennis Farina.
Monday, July 16
8:00 NBC FEAR FACTOR
Six trash-talkin’ contestants quickly shut their traps when host Joe Rogan scares the crap out of them.
8:00 FOX BOSTON PUBLIC
An emergency meeting is called when it’s discovered that the entire teaching staff is having affairs with students.
Tuesday, July 17
8:00 NBC SPY TV
A Candid Camera-style show for people who are sick of watching Johnny Knoxville crack himself in the nuts.
10:00 ABC NYPD BLUE
Sorenson (Li’l Ricky Schroder) has yet another mental breakdown. (Jeez! It’s no wonder they fired him!)
Wednesday, July 18
8:30 ABC YOU DON’T KNOW JACK
Pee-wee–sorry, Paul Reubens–hosts this funny game show, where he employs yet another funny voice and haircut.