Thursday, March 7
10:00 NBC E.R.
Dr. Gimpy makes the staff attend a sexual-harassment seminar… and they still won’t harass her!
10:00 DSC IN THE GRIP OF EVIL
Get ready for some head-spinnin’, pea-soup puking fun with the true story behind The Exorcist.
Friday, March 8
9:00 FAM ALIAS
A repeat of the series premiere, in which Sydney dons a hot red wig and gets her molars yanked out.
10:00 NIK THE COSBY SHOW
A sitcom about an inner-city family parented by a lawyer and a dancing obstetrician who wears hideous sweaters.
Saturday, March 9
8:00 PBS THE LEGENDARY LIBERACE
Interviews and concert footage of the gayest gay since Gaylord McGayerson.
10:00 FOOD IRON CHEF
It’s Morimoto vs. Wabuchi in a pee-stinkin’ “Battle Asparagus!”
Sunday, March 10
10:00 ANI THE MEANEST ANIMAL IN THE WORLD
Well, according to this show it’s the honey badger, but I still maintain it’s the wiener dog! Vicious little bastards…
Monday, March 11
8:00 NBC FEAR FACTOR
Another celebrity edition in which washed-up hacks like Stephen Baldwin choke down cow testicles.
10:00 ABC ONCE AND AGAIN
Daughter Jessie gets the hotsy-totsies for her friend Katie in this episode entitled “Hot & Horny Teenage Lesbos.”
Tuesday, March 12
10:00 FX THE SHIELD
A new cop show about a different kind of cop–the kind that beats the shit out of criminals! (And exactly how is this different?)
10:30 MTV THE OSBOURNES
Ozzy and family treat the kids to a trip to the methadone clinic.
Wednesday, March 13
9:00 FOX CELEBRITY BOXING
WOW!!! Real boxing matches featuring Danny “Partridge Family” Bonaduce vs. Barry “Brady Bunch” Williams, and Tonya Harding vs. Paula Jones!! I done died and gone to heaven!
CALLING ALL BUFFY FANS!
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