Thursday, May 30
8:00 WB JAMIE KENNEDY EXPERIMENT
Jamie makes Bob Saget look like an asshole and dresses up like a gay TV judge.
(I don’t have room to explain.)
9:00 TNT HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER–Movie
(1973) Sexy, sexy Clint Eastwood blows into town and puts a world full of
hurt on some nasty bad guys.
Friday, May 31
8:00 ABC WORLD STUNT AWARDS
Arnold Schwarzenegger hosts this awards show, celebrating the best of this
year’s craziest stunts. Also, a salute to dead people.
8:00 UPN WHAT ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS?–Movie
(2002) Three friends vie for college scholarships and one of the girls is
grown-up Rudy from the Cosby Show. And omigod, she’s
HOT.
Saturday, June 1
8:00 UPN SINGLES–Movie
(1992) A historical romance about flannel-wearing “grunge rockers” and their
courting procedures.
9:30 AMC THE INCREDIBLE TWO-HEADED TRANSPLANT–Movie
I don’t know why I listed this movie… I suppose it’s because two heads are
always funnier than one. HAW!! GodDAMMIT, I’m good!
Sunday, June 2
9:00 ABC THE HAMPTONS
A reality mini-series centered around the fancy-pantsy beach resort. It’s
kinda like Dynasty, but without so many slaps.
9:00 FOX BACHELORETTES IN ALASKA
A handful of gals from the lower 48 travel to Alaska to score with some lonely
hunks of beef.
Monday, June 3
8:00 NBC FEAR FACTOR
A repeat of the “Celebrity Edition” wherein Stephen Baldwin, the Backstreet
Boys’ Kevin Richardson, and others get their heads shoved in a toilet filled
with electric eels.
Tuesday, June 4
10:00 FOX ANDY RICHTER CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE
Andy and the gang accidentally make fun of their boss who has cancer. With
special guest star Erik Estrada!
10:00 FX THE SHIELD
Season Finale! Vic and his posse of corrupt cops get ambushed by a
bunch of bogus 911 calls.
Wednesday, June 5
9:00 VH1 9 1/2 WEEKS–Movie
Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke star as two hot-n-heavy yuppies who learn to
experience the romantic pleasure of boning on top of a garbage dumpster.