Thursday, July 25
8:00 MSNBC DONAHUE
In his return to television, adorable liberal codger Phil Donahue shows he’s
still got a little “jerk” left in his knee.
9:00 SCI MIMIC–Movie(1997)
Scientist Mira Sorvino screws up (but good!) when she unleashes a deadly hybrid
of killer cock-a-roaches!
Friday, July 26
8:00 AMC BRUCE LEE: A WARRIOR’S JOURNEY
Filmmaker John Little restores Game of Death; Bruce Lee’s final chop-socky spectacular!
10:00 USA MONK
In this legitimately funny mystery, Monk investigates a fatso accused of murder–who
hasn’t climbed out of bed in 11 years!
Saturday, July 27
8:00 FX BOUND–Movie(1996)
Gina Gershon hops into business (and bed) with the girlfriend of a mobster (Jennifer
Tilly).
9:00 VH1 SHOWGIRLS–Movie(1995) Gina Gershon’s lesbionic tendencies continue
when she attempts to bone Elizabeth Berkley in this over-the-top tip o’ the
hat to Vegas sleaze.
Sunday, July 28
8:00 E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY
Is Family Feud CURSED?? Is Richard Dawson’s tongue insured for a million bucks?
Find out the answers in this tell-all documentary!
9:00 ABC ALIAS
Tubby Quentin Tarantino guest-stars as a tubby disgruntled ex-employee who hijacks
SD-6!
Monday, July 29
8:00 TBS EDWARD SCISSORHANDS–Movie(1990)
Johnny Depp stars in the only movie made by Tim Burton that’s actually worth
a crap.
Tuesday, July 30
9:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
Help choose the seven remaining finalists, and shake your head in pity as Paula
Abdul tumbles down into her ever-deepening pit of insanity.
Wednesday, July 31
8:00 FOX 30 SECONDS TO FAME
Calling all cocaine addicts! Finally a talent show that’s tailor-made for your
attention span!
10:00 COM SOUTH PARK
Cartman and the gang use every bodily function to become guests on a talk show.