Thursday, January 23
8:00 CBS STAR SEARCH
Can someone please tell Arsenio Hall to lose the jherri curl? Thank you.
9:00 WB THE SURREAL LIFE
The celebrity housemates are concerned when they put on a backyard talent show, and nobody wins.
Friday, January 24
8:00 FOX FASTLANE
When Van is taken hostage, he depends on a wet-behind-the-ears rookie to… wait. Can’t they do another episode about hot lesbian bank robbers?
9:00 E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY
Get out those hankies; it’s the sad-but-true life of Karen Carpenter.
Saturday, January 25
8:00 DSC EXTREME FUNERALS
Whoa! Dude! Some people have funerals that are like really …like… I don’t know… EXTREME!
10:00 WB MAXIMUM EXPOSURE
Whoa! Dude! These guys are like hammering nails with their bare fists and drinking motor oil! That’s like… Extreme to the MAXIMUM!
Sunday, January 26
3:00 ABC SUPER BOWL XXXVII
Starring Carlos Santana, Michelle Branch, Beyonce Knowles, The Dixie Chicks, Shania Twain, No Doubt… and I think a couple of teams are gonna play football, too.
7:00 ABC ALIAS
Rutger Hauer (Blade Runner) stars as the new director of SD-6, which means no more gabbing around the water cooler!
Monday, January 27
8:00 ABC VERITAS: THE QUEST
Debut! A father/son team race to uncover the mystery of an ancient civilization who zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
8:00 FOX BRIDEZILLAS
Video of actual brides freaking out before their weddings! (Isn’t providing hilarity at the misfortune of others awesome?)
Tuesday, January 28
8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
As the nationwide auditions continue, Simon attempts to drive the suicide rate up three percentage points.
10:00 FX THE SHIELD
Vic’s attempts to make a major drug deal are thwarted by having to do some actual police work.
Wednesday, January 29
9:00 WB ANGELIn order to spur a transformation, the gang must provide Angel with a moment of perfect happiness. (Wow… vampires like blowjobs, too?)