Thursday, May 29
8:00 TBS GHOSTBUSTERS–Movie (1984) A fond look back at a time when New York City would still allow four friends to start a ghost extermination business.
9:30 COM SOUTH PARK When the kids need to reclaim a gaming system, they call upon the dope-huffing Towlie for help.
Friday, May 30
8:00 AMC ROSEMARY’S BABY–Movie (1968) Poor Mia Farrow gets knocked up by the Prince of Darkness, and the sonofabitch has the audacity to ask if it’s his.
9:00 ANI PET STAR Pets do stupid tricks and win $25,000? The fact that my dog can eat his own weight in cat poop should be worth at least that much!
Saturday, May 31
8:00 BET AMERICAN PIMP–Movie (1999) The Hughes brothers break out the solid gold Caddy to interview real live pimps!
9:00 TNN MOST EXTREME ELIMINATION CHALLENGE Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano introduce the hilarious ass-busting antics of this Japanese game show!
Sunday, June 1
8:00 NBC AMERICA’S MOST TALENTED SENIOR Debut! Finally, old people get a chance to show off their talents, such as ukulele playing, dancing the hoochie-koo, and drooling into bowls of Metamucil.
9:00 HBO SIX FEET UNDER Season Finale! Nate teeters on the edge of bonkerdom over his missing wifey (Lili Taylor).
Monday, June 2
10:00 TLC DIY SURGERY How ordinary people are sometimes forced into removing growths, amputating limbs, and popping blackheads.
Tuesday, June 3
8:00 FOX AMERICAN JUNIORS Debut! This spinoff of American Idol features the nation’s most talented children (AKA bed-wetting crybabies).
9:00 FOX KEEN EDDIE Debut! A disgraced New York cop is disgraced even further by being reassigned to London! HAW! They don’t even carry guns over there!!
Wednesday, June 4
8:00 FX X-MEN–Movie (2000) A bunch of nerds with super powers bitch and moan because they’re not “accepted” by the rest of us normal people.
9:00 TNN GOLDFINGER–Movie (1964) James Bond knows his prostate is in for trouble when he meets the criminal mastermind Goldfinger!
French-scabies-free since ’03. steve@thestranger.com