THURSDAY, MARCH 18 9:00 NBC THE APPRENTICE In this retrospective show, Donald Trump looks back at some of his decisions made during the game, and decides he is perfect in every way.
9:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL A repeat of the “most embarrassing auditions” show–but don’t miss the last ten minutes featuring the fabulous William Hung!
FRIDAY, MARCH 19 8:00 FOX PLAYING IT STRAIGHT Jackie becomes even more confused about who’s straight and gay when Ryan and Eddie begin arguing over the proper way to make a vinaigrette dressing.
10:00 ABC THE D.A. Debut! Yet another new lawyer show set in Los Angeles, this one starring the wacky guy from Wings.
SATURDAY, MARCH 20 8:30 CBS WHAT’S EATING GILBERT GRAPE?–Movie (1993) Johnny Depp takes care of his eccentric obese mother, and his hot retarded brother (Leonardo DiCaprio).
9:00 BET COLLEGE HILL Check out this reality show about eight coeds who go to school at a predominately black Louisiana college. A refreshing vacation from Honky Town TV!
SUNDAY, MARCH 21 9:00 ABC ALIAS Dixon finally gets the chance to blow some baddies away, when his kids are taken hostage by the Covenant!
10:00 HBO DEADWOOD Debut! A new HBO soapster about lawless life in a Wild West gold-mining town! Yeeeee-HAW!
MONDAY, MARCH 22 8:30 FOX CRACKING UP After experiencing a break-in, alcoholic Lesley (Molly Shannon) creates a “panic room”–fully stocked, of course.
10:00 COM RACE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE The Daily Show gang cover the Democratic National Convention and interview the loooooosers!
TUESDAY, MARCH 23 9:00 WB HIGH SCHOOL REUNION The claws pop out when Stacy, Heather, and Denise set their eyes on that hunky slab o’ man-meat, Gabe.
10:00 FX THE SHIELD In a particularly romantic episode, a prostitute kills her pimp.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 24 8:00 CBS SURVIVOR: ALL-STARS Catch up with the hilarity and backstabbing heartbreak in this All-Stars clip show.
9:00 FOX THE O.C. When Sandy and Jimmy’s restaurant runs into trouble, Kirstin’s daddy runs to the rescue.