IN NINJA ASSASSIN, there is a ninja. He
assassinates people. If you seek something more from your cinematic
experiences, look elsewhere; this weekend is full of films offering
depth and nuance. If, on the other hand, you are curious about how
yakuza view ninjas (they laugh derisively… but not for long),
or if you want to see how German cops fare in a fight with ninjas (they
shout “Scheiße!” and then they die), or if you want to see ninja
stars flying all over the goddamn place while things explode, then
watch Ninja Assassin, an admirably and literally titled film.
(Warner Bros. publicists: Feel free to quote me on the cover of the
Ninja Assassin DVD.)
The story, such as it is: Some chick (Naomie Harris) who works for
Interpol or something is convinced that ninjas actually exist.
Naturally, everyone thinks she’s just some crazy, super-lonely cat
lady, but then—THWIP! SLASH! GURGLE!—Raizo shows up. As a
child, Raizo (played by South Korean pop star Rain) was taught the Ways
of the Ninja™ in Japan—until he was all, “Hey, ninjas? You
guys are dicks,” and moved to Berlin, presumably because Warner Bros.
knows it’s cheap to make movies there. ANYWAY, that one chick teams up
with Raizo (even though he’s all, “Stay away from me, my pissed-off
ninja compadres are trying to kill me!”), and, as the saying
goes, the ninja throwing stars hit the fan.
There is also a lot of Rain posing in slow-motion with his shirt
off. Presumably, tweens in South Korea like that sort of thing.
A weird mash-up of anime, Asian music videos, The Matrix (the
Wachowskis are executive producers), and videogames (particularly Team
Ninja’s Ninja Gaiden games), Ninja Assassin is
fantastically violent, fantastically stupid, and fantastic in general.
Rain does a lot of cool ninja stuff, director James McTeigue (V for
Vendetta) knows exactly how goofy this is but has a ton of fun
anyway, and there’s enough Prismacolor blood splattering and spraying
around to make Beatrix Kiddo squirm. In other words: highly
recommended.
