Shark Night 3D, in which a bunch of idiot kids who’ve never seen Jaws and therefore don’t know NEVER TO GO INTO ANY BODY OF WATER FOR ANY PURPOSE WHATSOEVER go into a big body of water and—SURPRISE, SURPRISE—get eaten by sharks:

~ and ~

The Smurfs, in which some magical woodland Smurfs appear to get flushed down a magical woodland toilet, ending up in a movie more accurately titled Neil Patrick Harris’ Shame:

Good luck sleeping tonight, Blogtown readers. And good luck looking at yourself in the mirror, Mr. Harris.

With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.

5 replies on “Two Very Different Kinds of Terror”

  1. I was so worried when I saw that Smurf trailer posted. But that was kind of a relief. I don’t know why I cared – I don’t plan on seeing it. But for a kids movie that could be SO much worse. On the sliding scale between Toy Story and Furry Vengeance, doesn’t that look a lot closer to Toy Story?

  3. Wheel Patrick Harris is ashamed of this.

    (Also, it would seem as if Azrael the cat is NOT missing a piece of his kitty ear. I’m writing an angry letter!)

Comments are closed.