I just attended the press screening for The Dark Knight Rises, and I am now prepared to answer the following questions for you:

1) Was Robin in it?
2) Did Batman die?
3) Did Alfred die?
4) Did Robin die… if he was in it?
5) Was there a Superman cameo in the credits?
6) Was Anne Hathaway naked at all?
7) Actually, I don’t want to see her naked… she needs to eat a sandwich. But did you see her vagina?
8) Was the movie soooooo long that your colostomy bag exploded and drenched Mr. Movie?
9) Did you, or did you not, like it?
10) Was Bat Mite in it?

Every question answered… after the jump!

••••
1) I don’t want to spoil it for you.
2) I don’t want to spoil it for you.
3) I don’t want to spoil it for you.
4) I don’t want to spoil it for you.
5) I don’t want to spoil it for you.
6) I don’t want to spoil it for you.
7) I don’t want to spoil it for you.
8) I don’t want to spoil it for you.
9) I did like it!
10) No.

Check out my review in the upcoming issue of the Merc tomorrow afternoon!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

6 replies on “Your Questions about <i>The Dark Knight Rises</i> Answered!”

  5. Did you count the number of times someone had an anguished look on his/her/its face? Did you take a drink each time? Are you still alive?

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