Hi. I'm Katie Shimer. As you begin reading this article, maybe you're thinking, "Can this dumbass writer make it through one stinking Apes piece without making a completely obvious evolution analogy?" Or maybe you're thinking, "Wow! An evolution analogy would be wise and appropriate in an article about the Apes, because according to my belief system, it is most likely humans evolved from apes!" Most likely, though, the case is that you could really give a crap, and just want to know what this "Apes" band is all about.

Hailing from Washington, D.C., The Apes represent the muddled, sloppy opposite of the rigid establishment and formality of our nation's capital. The dominance of the deep sounds of organ, the absence of guitar, and their languorous speed, make them as dark and heavy as any slow and steady metal band (and similarly build to screaming climax). Because of this, The Apes represent a sort of devolution of music. Not in the sense that they are unskilled, but that their music is simple and primitive--a primal sound derived from humankind's collective unconscious, complete with ape-like wails and spooky samples.

Their music relies equally on the incensed speak-sing of their vocalist, Paul Weil, and the organ played by Amanda Kleinman; the two sounds dominate with a dark, horror-movie slowness. The overdriven bass (Erick Jackson) and hard rock drums (Jeff Schmid) make them almost psychedelic, with an underlying anger that keeps them from seeming nostalgic. The instruments culminate into a sound sloppy enough to have been created by a roomful of apes banging on their instruments (think Project X) that just happen to end up sounding really good.

Touring with their album Fugue in the Fog, The Apes are particularly adept considering this their initial effort--and their live show is rumored to be more fantastic than a monkey in a business suit. It's really too bad for them, however, that simpleton critics have to reduce them to dumb ape comparisons; I wouldn't be surprised if someone wrote an article likening them to that gorilla Koko, you know, the one that knew sign language and had his own pet kitten.

This article was written in 30 minutes by four untrained chimps using manual typewriters.