Savage Love Yesterday 10:01 AM

Savage Love: What Was Lost

She can't get over losing her ex—what's an out-and-proud goddess to do?

About ten years ago, I was in a serious relationship with someone I loved more than I had ever loved anyone before. I hoped to spend my life with her. But I was deep in the closet, and the process of coming out annihilated large parts of my life, including our relationship. I dumped her and tried to tell myself she wouldn’t understand. In the years that followed, I came into my own as a proud and potent goddess, but I felt haunted by how I’d pushed my ex away. The regret that marked her absence tinged all my emerging triumphs.

In the chaos of the early pandemic, I sent a simple email, curtailed into a modest how-are-you, and she sent a brief-but-cordial reply. I didn’t take offense. It was kind of her to reply at all. But some months later, she reached out, asking to meet. Apparently, her boyfriend had dumped her, and it reminded her of how I’d dumped her. Despite my nerves, we had a simple afternoon in a park gabbing about poetry and ethics, laughing easily. I didn’t make any overtures. Regarding the past, I said only that I regretted how I’d left things. She replied quickly, “Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s not like our relationship really had a future.” Yikes!

It’s been a few years and she’s become a close friend. We go hiking, drinking, we go on double dates with our partners — me and my wife, her and her new boyfriend. And yet… I still think about her every day. Even my wife knows I’m crazy about her! (We’re poly, it’s not an issue.) I’m writing because I don’t know what to do. For almost ten years I’ve tried to get over her, but I have proven stubbornly head-over-heels. I’ve tried separation, several types of therapy, even fiery rituals, but I still wake up with her name on my lips. I worry that if I were to broach the totality of my feelings, it would alienate her all over again. What’s a gal to do?

Confounded Heartfelt Amorous Damsel

You mention coming out, you mention transitioning, you mention being an out-and-proud goddess now — so, you’re a trans woman who had to end what the world perceived to be a cis-het relationship before you embarked on your transition.

And based on your ex’s reaction when you reconnected and apologized for dumping her (“It’s not like our relationship really had a future!”), CHAD, along with the fact that your ex has only ever dated men (or people she had every reason to believe were men), it sounds like your ex is a straight cis woman. Which means you couldn’t be the goddess you are now — you couldn’t have the life you have now (to say nothing of the wife you have now) — if you were still with your ex, CHAD, because you couldn’t be her partner and yourself at the same time.

I’m going to crawl out on a limb and guess that however bumpy your transition may have been, the trade-off was worth it. You lost some things — including a romantic relationship with your ex — but you gained so much more.

Continue reading »

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! It’s Tuesday, November 28, which is now Giving Tuesday, for those of you tracking the new(ish) traditions we've adopted to support small businesses (Small Business Saturday) and be kind and philanthropic (Giving Tuesday) amid the deluge of capitalism that surrounds the holidays. If the onset of the holiday season has you stressed, or you just need a good excuse to meet with friends and sip on somethin’ fun, more than two dozen restaurants and cocktail bars are offering festive, sexy drinks for Holiday Drink Week.

Let’s get into the headlines!

In Local News:

  • The Portland City Council will meet virtually this week. On the agenda is a $2.6 million contract with Axon for body cameras for Portland Police Bureau (PPB). Earlier this year, PPB wrapped up a pilot program to test out the body cameras. Now, it’s time to implement the use of the cameras across the bureau, full-time, as part of the requirements of a settlement agreement with the Department of Justice. Continue reading »
Music Mon 12:00 PM

MusicOregon Awards $57,000 in Grants to 18 Portland- and Vancouver-Area Musicians

The Echo Fund supports a historically overlooked creative pursuit: popular music.

MusicOregon announced Monday that it has awarded $57,000 in grant funding to 18 local musicians and bands to help pay for non-performance endeavors such as recording, production of vinyl records and music videos, promotional efforts, and more.

This is the second round of grants from the nonprofit's Echo Fund. While MusicOregon is focused on empowering independent professional music creators across the state, the Echo Fund drew applications from just Portland Metro and Vancouver areas.

Continue reading »
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EverOut Mon 11:00 AM

The Top 44 Events in Portland This Week: Nov 27–Dec 3, 2023

Brett Goldstein, Holiday Drink Week, and More Top Picks

You won't regret taking the time to plan out your week with our top picks guide. We're taking the time to shout-out happenings from Depeche Mode: Memento Mori Tour to Jenny Lewis, from Brett Goldstein: The Second Best Night of Your Life to The Portland Mercury's Holiday Drink Week, and so much more.



Beyond Walls: Five Films for Prison Industrial Complex Abolition
Are you prison abolition-curious? This collection of short films should answer your pressing questions by "defining and amplifying what prison industrial complex (PIC) abolition means." Organized by Don’t Shoot Portland and Working Films, a nonprofit that "uses documentaries to advance social justice and environmental protection," the free screening also aims to empower viewers with the tools and actions needed to envision a world beyond policing. LINDSAY COSTELLO
(Clinton Street Theater, Hosford-Abernethy)

Read on EverOut »
The Trash Report Mon 10:00 AM

THE TRASH REPORT: School is Back, Beyonce's Here, Cher Came to Party, and Hall Still Loves Oates

Rubber gloves on—it's time to dig through this week's most garbage-y gossip.

Good morning, sweet angels of garbage! Welcome to another round of silliness in this Trash Report. I'm the blob of leftover mashed potatoes formerly known as Elinor Jones. Thanksgiving is over and now it is Christmas for a month. Hey, why is it everyone is quick to make fun of people who celebrate "birthday month," yet this one dumb holiday gets basically a quarter of the year? Christmas probably celebrates her half-birthday. She's a basic bitch, and you can quote me on that. 

Want some more hot takes upon which to warm your frosty but dexterous paws? Let's go!

Thankful, Pt. 1

I said it last week and I'll say it again: Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I already had plenty to be thankful for, and now there's one more thing to put on the list, which is Cher blowing the fucking roof off the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade at the ripe old age of 77. "But Elinor," you say, "she could not blow the roof off; it is a parade, and they are already outside." You sure about that? Or maybe Cher is just tricking you into believing that there was never a roof because that's how hard she blew that roof clean out of there. She performed a song called "DJ Play a Christmas Song," a life-changing ditty wherein she asks a DJ to play a Christmas song so that she can dance all night long. Simply listening to three minutes and 29 seconds of this holiday insanity was enough to have me begging for some nog and a nap; I certainly couldn't dance all night long! But I'll be the first to admit that, sadly, I am no Cher. This song is going to become my entire personality for the next four weeks so get ready. Mariah Who?? 

The other best thing that happened at the parade is Beyonce released a trailer for her Renaissance movie. We all got cute with the red lipstick for Taylor Swift's concert movie, but now we get to dress up like disco balls and I am here. For. It. DJ Play a Christmas Song, sure, but DJ, also play this entire album, because I may not be religious for Jesus but the transition from "Cuff It" to "Energy" absolutely makes me believe in a higher power. 

Continue reading »

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! It's gonna be a sunny, cool day with a high of 49—which I would say is PERFECT weather to kick off the Mercury's Holiday Drink Week, which runs now through December 3, and offers 26 specially-crafted, holly-jolly cocktails from Portland's best bartenders... and they're only $8 each! Do not miss a single one! And now let's kick off with some at least partially holly-jolly NEWS.


TOP STORY: PPS and the teachers' union have reached a tentative agreement, and kids are going back to school starting TODAY. Of course, the finalization of the deal depends on both sides voting in favor of the agreement on Tuesday, and if they do, it will bring the nearly month-long strike to an end. Our Taylor Griggs has the story with all the details, but there are still some VERY BIG QUESTIONS TO BE ANSWERED. For example:

1) The district had to be dragged kicking and screaming to the table, and avoided giving teachers some very basic humanitarian needs for 11 months, sooooo... why did they think this would end well for them or anyone?

2) We would've never reached this sorry point if state legislators had been doing their job and properly funding education. Query: Why do state Democrats vote and spend money like Republicans when it comes to supplying the basic educational needs of kids?

3) Speaking of kids, the Oregonian Editorial Board published no less than five screeching, anti-union rants masked in that tired old conservative refrain, "But... WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?" Do they really think that publicly shitting on the labor movement is going to work out fine-and-dandy for them when (god forbid, of course) their own employees start asking for what they deserve? Oh, well... I guess they'll fuck around and find out!

Continue reading »
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Teachers Strike Sun 6:47 PM

With a Tentative Agreement Reached Between PPS and Teachers' Union, Students Will Return To School

If the union and school board approve the tentative agreement, the historic Portland Public Schools strike will officially come to an end.

After a lengthy and historic strike, Portland Public Schools (PPS) administration and its teachers' union reached a tentative contract agreement. Though the agreement has yet to be ratified by members of the Portland Association of Teachers (PAT) union or the PPS school board— both will need to sign off on the terms of the contract before it's finalized— students are set to return to school on a two-hour delay Monday, November 27, after nearly a month away.

The tentative agreement, which the district and union's bargaining teams agreed to the weekend after Thanksgiving, offers educators a pay raise, beefed up mental health support for students, a new protocol for addressing class size concerns, and more. PPS and the union also agreed on 11 make-up days to balance instructional time lost during the strike. Notably, winter break is set to be a week shorter than previously planned, and the school year is set to be three days longer. 

Continue reading »

GOOD MORNING, SUNDAY! It's the perfect time to catch up on some of the great reporting and stories the Mercury churned out this week! (PRO TIP: If you despise being "the last to know," then be one of the first to know by signing up for Mercury newsletters! All the latest stories shipped directly to your email's in-box... and then... YOUR HEAD.)

Meet Your 2024 City Council Candidates

To date, 36 candidates have filed for next November's Portland City Council race, which will see the mayor and 12 new council seats up for election. Get to know the background of each candidate, with our district-by-district guide.



Wake up, brain! It's time to play another super fun POP QUIZ PDX, this week featuring sassy ass trivia about terrible judges, cougars under cover, and YOUR CHOICE for the worst "White Elephant" present ever! See how well YOU score!


Disagreement About Class Size Decisions Fueling Teachers’ Strike Stalemate

As the PPS teachers' strike continues, union and district leaders are hopeful a resolution is on the horizon. One final sticking point? Whether or not parents should be involved in decisions about class size.

Taylor Griggs
Continue reading »
Comics Fri 1:00 PM

New Thing in the Lloyd Center: Secret Room Workshop Pop-Up

Through December 23, the little gallery will host art shows, present workshops, and sell riso-printer art.

At one time, long ago, people went to malls to have their many consumerist, social, and aesthetic needs met—for a price—and also, sometimes, there was a hot pretzel stand. Nowadays the work of fulfilling those needs has mostly been overtaken by the internet. It has all the mall offered, and you don't even need to wear pants to access it.

Portland's Lloyd Center has been in the mall game for going on six decades now, and has undergone a number of reinventions to stay relevant (they added the roof in the '90s, for example). Recently that’s meant welcoming refugees from Portland’s arts scene, who find themselves increasingly displaced by the city’s deeply unhinged real estate market.

Secret Room Workshop is the latest, albeit brief, addition of the art world into Lloyd’s well-trod halls. Occupying a small gallery space—across from an empty storefront that appears to have, somewhat confusingly, once sold both “R/C cars” and “jeans”—it looks stately enough to be a boutique with a couple of rumpus room touches, like a pair of colorful rugs and some combo TV VCRs playing artsy bootleg tapes on repeat. A few shelves of Secret Room’s in-house published comics and zines are displayed for sale, along with a row of vivid comics-influenced prints, bootleg VHS tapes, and micro-label cassettes. 

Continue reading »
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BEHOLD! It's the Portland Mercury’s HOLIDAY DRINK WEEK! That's correct: It's time for an ENTIRE WEEK (November 27-December 3) of specially crafted, original holiday themed cocktails mixed by the best bartenders in town… and get this, they're only $8 each!

We’ve teamed up with the finest bars and restaurants in Portland—with support from our cocktail-lovin’ pals at Jim Beam—to bring you this one-of-a-kind booze-tacular! At each location, you’ll find $8 specially crafted cocktails, and even better? They'll be available ALL DAY (not just during happy hour)! TAKE A LOOK AT ALL 26 OF THE DELICIOUS BOOZY CONCOCTIONS HERE!

 Stay tuned to and the Mercury for announcements—and get ready set sail on a river of booze from now until December 3! (PSST! You'll get even more hot tips if you sign up for Mercury newsletters, and follow us on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook!)

Say, do you love the Mercury’s Food and Drink promotions (such as Highball, Burger Week, Pizza Week, and more)? Then please consider becoming a recurring contributor to the Mercury. We would never be able to do these fun things without you!

So, are you ready for HOLIDAY DRINK WEEK? Great! Just remember a few friendly rules:

Continue reading »
EverOut Fri 10:02 AM

The Best Bang for Your Buck Events in Portland This Weekend: Nov 24–26, 2023

Christmas Festival of Lights, Holiday Markets, and More Cheap & Easy Events Under $15

The holiday season is now officially in full swing, and as such, there's plenty to busy yourself with. Make merry at events like the 39th Annual Tree Lighting Ceremony or the Grotto's Christmas Festival of Lights, and take the opportunity to shop small this weekend at the Black Friday Indigenous Marketplace, Spectrum Art Market Presents HoliGAY Market, or Record Store Day: RSD Black Friday. For more ideas, check out our guide to the top events of the week.



Record Store Day: RSD Black Friday 2023
Whether you're looking for special RSD releases, or just want to support your local record store, drag yourself out of bed bright and early this Black Friday as shops around town fill up with vinyl-hungry shoppers. Participation varies store-to-store, but expect sales, exclusive merch, extended hours, in-store performances, and other special events. Highlights from this year's special releases include a 7" box set of De La Soul's long out-of-print opus 3 Feet High and Risingunheard demos from Joni Mitchell's Court and Spark, and PNW label Light in the Attic's compilation Light In The Attic & Friends, which features contemporary artists covering their favorite unsung heroes. Check out the RSD website for a full list of participating stores. AUDREY VANN
(Various locations)

Read on EverOut »

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

Good Morning, Portland! And good morning to gravy boy, for whom we give thanks. I'm at the Oregon coast, and I like the way starfish smoosh themselves into rock crevasses instead of sprawling out as they're depicted to do in textbooks. This is how REAL starfish live. 

• Is there even news today? There is. But if you have the day off work, it's fine tune out (a controversial stance, I know), and make plans to do something fun. Our calendar team put together a list of stuff happening this week that doesn't suck and makes sense for your pocket book. Por ejemplo, the top recommendation tonight is Bjork Friday at the Clinton where DJs spin the tunes of Icelandic treasure Björk and "an army of drag queens and burlesque performers offer up some big-time sensuality."

• If you want to watch the city's 75-foot tall Douglas Fir go bright mode, today's the day: It happens sometime between 5:30-6:30 pm tonight, in Pioneer Square. There will be singing; here's the songbook for those of you who don't know the words to "Feliz Navidad"—my god, the bar is low on our only carol en español. Here's hoping we can get Brandy's "Christmas for Two" in there next year.

• On Tuesday, activists once again pressured Rep. Earl Blumenauer to call for a cease-fire in Gaza. Senator Jeff Merkley had already done so on Monday, becoming the second Senator in the whole county to call for a ceasefire. Just for the record, the first senator to call for one was majority whip Dick Durbin—I have momentarily forgotten what whips are, but I like to think they make loud whip-cracking sounds behind their fellow senators and yell: Yah! Yah! On November 2, Durbin stipulated that a ceasefire should start with the release of all kidnapped hostages from the October 7 attacks. On October 25, the house put out a simple resolution calling for a ceasefire, that isn't very signed-up yet. Tuesday's protesters were peeved that our Baby Boy Blum hadn't signed it. On November 17, Blumenauer called for an end to the violence in Gaza, writing: "I am not interested in playing semantics, call it what you want: a ceasefire or a humanitarian pause. The fact of the matter is the violence must stop."

Continue reading »

WHAT'S UP, SMARTY TROUSERS? It's time once again to put your brainy-brain to the test with this week's edition of POP QUIZ PDX—our weekly, local, sassy-ass trivia quiz. And this week, your brain will be tested on how much you know about a case of cougar "mistaken identity," dipshit judges who need to find another line of work, and please help me choose which terrible gift I'll bring to our office "White Elephant" gift exchange! 🐘

But before we continue... HOW DID YOU DO ON THE PREVIOUS QUIZ? For such a tough quiz, y'all did pretty dang good! And I was particularly flattered that you think I'm somewhat less loathsome than Woody Allen. See you at Thanksgiving dinner! 🍗

OKAY, TIME FOR A NEW QUIZ! Take this week's quiz below, take our previous pop quizzes here, and come back next week for a brand spankin' new quiz! (Having a tough time answering this quiz? It's probably because you aren't getting Mercury newsletters! HINT! HINT!) Now crank up that cerebellum, because it's time to get BRAINY!

Continue reading »
Hear In Portland Nov 22 11:45 PM

HEAR IN PORTLAND: Friends of Noise Fundraising for an All Ages Venue

Ural Thomas and the Pain shine on a stacked New Year's Eve bill, and Portland rapper-producer Fountaine's farewell DJ dance nights.

Major local music news this week: One of the area's most beloved nonprofits is raising funds to start an all-ages venue, and you can help them do it—just by going to a well-curated slate of shows! It's almost time to part ways with Portland-raised rapper-producer Fountaine, but he has a few DJ nights left on deck. We’re also looking ahead to a damn-near irresistible NYE show featuring headliner Ural Thomas and the Pain. Get into all these local music happenings to "Hear in Portland." 


An upcoming local event featuring local artist(s).

Reptaliens Friends of Noise Fundraiser

Rumors to this effect have been brewing for a hot minute, but local youth-centered music nonprofit Friends of Noise (FoN) announced recently that its now raising funds with the goal of opening a dedicated all ages concert venue in the Spring. Fans can contribute at a slew of concerts on the FoN calendar, but we're particularly amped about this upcoming show at Mission Theater—actually the first all ages show FoN have booked at the venue—with headliners Reptaliens. Typically dealing out guitar- and synth-pop scifi surrealism, the explorative musical duo of Bambi and Cole Browning grounded themselves with their 2022 album Multiverse. The 10-track full-length is a pop-heavy record where synthy guitars on final track “Jump,” blissful and sunny grooves on lead single lead single “Like a Dog” stand out as highlights. Rounding out the show, you'll want to arrive early to catch Portland-based psychedelic pop and indie rock band Shadowgraphs open, along with noisy fuzz and punk rockers Cereal. (Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, Wed Nov 29, 8 pm, $15-20, tickets here, all ages)

Continue reading »
News Nov 22 11:40 AM

Jewish Activists Blockade Rep. Earl Blumenauer's Portland Office For Second Time in Two Weeks

Hours before an Israel/Hamas truce announcement, protesters pressured the Oregon congressman to follow Sen. Jeff Merkley’s call for a cease-fire in Gaza.

Jewish community members blocked all entrances to Rep. Earl Blumenauer’s office in Northeast Portland again Tuesday, in hopes of pressuring him to call for a cease-fire in Gaza. The action followed a similar sit-in two weeks prior.

By the end of the day, with help from Qatari officials, a temporary truce between Israel and Hamas was agreed upon. The truce will last four days and will include the release of 50 hostages in Gaza held by Hamas, and 150 Palestinian women and children held in Israeli jails. 

While protesters praised Senator Jeff Merkley’s call for a cease-fire the day prior, they still had a bone to pick with Blumenauer. 

Continue reading »