If you’re reading this, you probably know the value of the Mercury’s news reporting, arts and culture coverage, event calendar, and the bevy of events we host throughout the year. The work we do helps our city shine, but we can’t do it without your support. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! 👋

Grab some sun while you can today, because starting tomorrow showers and warmer temps will return and stick around through the weekend. OH, and speaking of this weekend, it's your last opportunity to enjoy the Mercury's HOLIDAY DRINK WEEK (happening right now)! That's correct: Gorgeous, creative, holiday-inspired cocktails concocted by the best bartenders in Portland, and they're only $8 each! But the fun ends Sunday, so put yer butt in gear, cha-cha! And now let's put our NEWS butt in gear.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Trump's election win has apparently given new hope to the Greater Idaho Movement (GIM)—the whining complainers of several eastern Oregon counties who have long dreamed of becoming part of Idaho. The group has petitioned president-elect Trump to support their cause and to use his influence as a "practical problem-solver"—just a moment while I spit out my coffee HAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAA—to help these obstinate crybabies escape Oregon's satanic progressive policies which CLEARLY benefit them, even though they are too fragile to appreciate it. Despite what Trump or the GIM may desire, such an annexation would require buy-in from both state legislatures as well as the US Congress... but I have a possible second option! Idaho could happily welcome these whining crybabies into their state while leaving us the land, which we'll use to make room for the Americans who might actually appreciate not being constantly shat upon by heartless Republicans.

Portland expands popular free air conditioner program with $10M cash infusion

"City documents show the local tax on large retailers that voters approved in 2018 [the Portland Clean Energy Fund] is projected to raise $1.6 billion over the next five years."

www.oregonlive.com/politics/202...

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— Shane Dixon Kavanaugh (@shanedkavanaugh.bsky.social) December 4, 2024 at 5:55 PM

• A Vancouver, Washington, man was shot and killed by police last night following an altercation in a Safeway parking lot. Officials say that after approaching the man, a fight broke out between a cop and the suspect who eventually pulled a gun. Police opened fire on the man who later died. The incident is under investigation by the Washington State Office of Independent Investigations.

In the setting of a desolate landscape, two old men await someone named Godot. The duo, Vladimir (Roo Welsh) and Estragon (Karl Hanover), are friends to the extent that they use pet names for one another—Didi and Gogo—but their tones intermittently turn harsh or tender, as they recount their respective miseries and await their man. Questions about who Godot is and what he will do for them are barely raised, much less answered. They decide not to hang themselves. They eat a carrot.

One of the central plays of the 20th century, Samuel Beckett's famously bleak comedy Waiting for Godot has been adapted, reinvented, and reimagined countless times, but Portlanders would do well to see Corrib Theatre's faithful staging, which runs for the next two weekends at CoHo Theatre.

BEHOLD! It's the Portland Mercury’s HOLIDAY DRINK WEEK! That's correct: It's time for an ENTIRE WEEK (Dec 2-Dec 8) of specially crafted, original holiday themed cocktails mixed by the best bartenders in town… and get this, they're only $8 each!

We’ve teamed up with the finest bars and restaurants in Portland—and our cocktail-lovin’ pals at Jim Beam—to bring you this one-of-a-kind booze-tacular! At each location, you’ll find $8 specially crafted cocktails, and even better? They'll be available ALL DAY (not just during happy hour)! TAKE A LOOK AT ALL 24 OF THE DELICIOUS BOOZY CONCOCTIONS HERE!

Stay tuned to portlandmercury.com/holidaydrinkweek and the Mercury for announcements—and use our handy-dandy map to help plot your course as you set sail on a river of booze! (PSST! You'll get even more hot tips if you sign up for Mercury newsletters, and follow us on Instagram, Bluesky, Twitter, and Facebook! And don't forget to post your fave drinks with the hashtag #mercuryholidaydrinkweek.)

Say, do you love the Mercury’s Food and Drink promotions (such as Highball, Burger Week, Pizza Week, and more)? Then please consider becoming a recurring contributor to the Mercury. We would never be able to do these fun things without you!

Don't miss the fun of the Mercury's HOLIDAY DRINK WEEK, happening NOW and through Sunday, December 8! It's the cheeriest time of the year! 

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support! 

Good morning, Portland! The forecasts are showing another sunny day with a high of only 47 degrees. I think my brain and body don't align when it comes to understanding what temperatures in the high 40s feel like. In my head, it doesn't seem so bad—high 40s is almost 50s, which is pretty close to 60s, and that's t-shirt weather! Unfortunately, that's not how it works, especially when nighttime lows are nearing freezing. This is all to say: It's cold outside and even inside, so wear layers and be extra nice to your homeless neighbors, who bear the brunt of the cold and the heat. 

Also, you may wish to warm up with a delish, $8 holiday drink, and you can easily do so because it's the Mercury's HOLIDAY DRINK WEEK and there are many wonderful beverages to choose from, at places all around town. Find out more here. 

 

 

 

 

 

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Onto the NEWS...

Staff members at Street Roots, the Portland nonprofit that publishes a weekly newspaper focused on homelessness and social justice issues, announced their plan to unionize with Communications Workers of America (CWA) Local 7901. According to a union press release, 15 eligible staff members voted unanimously in favor of unionization. They’re hoping to avoid an election with the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB), however, and are seeking voluntary recognition from the Street Roots board. 

The union will include staff members across Street Roots’ editorial, development, vendor, and advocacy programs. The announcement makes Street Roots the third Portland news organization to form a union in 2024 alone, joining the Mercury and OPB, whose unions were each voluntarily recognized earlier this year.

What’s the sexiest holiday food to eat off someone’s body?

While food can be sensuous, you don’t eat food off someone’s body unless you’re fucking or about to fuck… and fucking on a full stomach is uncomfortable, which is why I’m always urging people to #FuckFirst” on Valentine’s Day (and their wedding days, birthdays, anniversaries), and fucking on a slowly filling stomach really isn’t much better.

Like many people, I made the mistake of incorporating food into foreplay when I first became sexually active. Putting whipped cream on our tits made me and my first boyfriend feel like we were doing something naughty and sophisticated without either of us having to make ourselves vulnerable, e.g., without either of us having to open up about our actual kinks. And as we both quickly learned, whipped cream quickly liquifies as it rises to body temperature, and then you look and smell like an infant barfed all over you — which is not something anyone you wanna fuck could find sexy.

Anyway, everyone should enjoy holiday food and holiday sex — but not at the same time, and not in that order.

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

Good morning, Portland! We’re in for another sunny day (woot!!) but don’t let the sun fool you. Overnight temps could drop down to an ultra frigid 33 degrees. And if your first thought is one of concern for our unhoused neighbors, here are some resources suggested by Multnomah County (Severe weather shelters won’t be opened unless it’s cold enough for your snot to freeze over.)

For the county to open emergency warming shelters, one of three conditions must be met: the temperature must be 25 degrees fahrenheit or below, there is forecasted snow accumulation of an inch or more, or, the temperature will hit freezing (32 degrees) with an inch or more of driving rain.

Here’s the county’s message regarding unhoused people enduring the elements: “If someone outside is unsheltered and whose life appears to be in danger, call 9-1-1. Otherwise, if you see someone about whom you are concerned during cold weather, such as not being dressed for the weather conditions, call Multnomah County’s non-emergency response line at 503-823-3333 and request a welfare check. To help someone locate shelter and transportation to shelter, please call 2-1-1.”

Bundle up and look out for each other.

In Local News:

• An Oregon man was sentenced for his participation in the Jan. 6, 2021 insurrection at the US Capitol. Jonathanpeter Allen Klein, 24, was sentenced Monday to nine months in prison, followed by three years of probation. Klein, whose brother also faces charges for his involvement in the capitol riot, reportedly threw a piece of equipment at an officer, denting his helmet and temporarily incapacitating him. Klein’s attorney asked for a 90-day extension on the sentencing, hoping President-elect Donald Trump might pardon the January 6 rioters, but a judge denied the request.

The first week of the last month of the year is starting out strong, with top-notch events from Billie Eilish's Hit Me Hard and Soft Tour to Love Actually in Concert and from The Portland Mercury's Holiday Drink Week to A John Waters Christmas. For a look at the month ahead, check out our December events guide.

MONDAY

PERFORMANCE

Love, Shakespeare
If Shakespeare's theatrical works are feeling a little "played" out—hey, he did write them over 400 years ago—don thy feathered cap and head to this fully improvised take on an Elizabethan comedy. The off-the-cuff version will skew the Bard's themes and imagery for a fresh production with a rotating cast. LINDSAY COSTELLO
(Portland Center Stage, Pearl District)

Hello, and welcome back to the Trash Report! Or if this is your first time reading, regular welcome to the Trash Report. I imagine the existence of this column is very irritating to people who are trying to figure out how to report trash, cuz if you google Portland Report Trash, this is what you get. I'm sorry if you were trying to have a public space cleaned up and instead you're having to read my idiotic takes on our silly little world, but I think you'll like dealing with me nominally more than you'd like dealing with a public nuisance. Or wait—am I a public nuisance?! 

Pardonnez moi?

President Biden kept up with the freak tradition of pardoning two turkeys ahead of the Thanksgiving holiday. The turkeys were named Peach and Blossom, and I don't know why... but they sound slutty? Apparently the Peach Blossom is the state flower of Biden's home state of Delaware, so obviously their fate was sealed when they got those names. If any turkeys wanna get pardoned by Trump next year, farmers will want to start workshopping stuff that the other guy likes, and you know what? TV and Diet Coke are pretty good names for turkeys. 

Then yesterday Biden pardoned a third turkey: his own son, Hunter Biden. This was a hilarious move that will make a lot of people upset and will lead to pointless frowny think pieces from liberal news outlets about norms and shit whereas conservative media will use it as an excuse to share pictures of Hunter's hog. The potentially cool thing about this, though, is that it shows Biden's willingness to ruffle some (non-turkey) feathers on his way out the door, and I hope he keeps it up! I doubt he will, because he seems dead set on making both the left and right hate him, but who knows, maybe he'll surprise us yet??? It's never too late to be a good and effective president.

it's so heartwarming to see everyone arguing over how best to Defend Norms, just like it's 2017 again. missed you all 🥰

— Quinta Jurecic (@qjurecic.bsky.social) December 1, 2024 at 5:46 PM

If you’re reading this, you probably know the value of the Mercury’s news reporting, arts and culture coverage, event calendar, and the bevy of events we host throughout the year. The work we do helps our city shine, but we can’t do it without your support. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! 👋

Foggy mornings turn into sunny days for the majority of this week, with highs in the upper 40s—aaaaaand don't you think that's perfect weather to go out and enjoy the Mercury's HOLIDAY DRINK WEEK (happening right now)? Picture it: Gorgeous, creative, holiday-inspired cocktails concocted by the best bartenders in Portland, and they're only $8 each! But don't dilly or dally because the fun ends this coming Sunday! And now, let's dilly dally over some WOOZY NEWSY!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Athletes at David Douglas High School have been on the receiving end of extremely shitty racist name-calling from opposing teams during their football games—and even worse, those schools (as well as the Oregon School Activities Association) are doing very little to hold these racist shitheads responsible. Abe Asher has the illuminating and infuriating report.

Athletes at David Douglas High reported racial slurs hurled at them by opponents during games earlier this year. Families and coaches say Oregon has no meaningful solutions for accountability.

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— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.bsky.social) November 29, 2024 at 2:33 PM

• The body of a missing Clackamas County woman,  Susan "Phoenix" Lane-Fournier, has been located by police after it was reported that she and her two dogs left for a hike in the Mount Hood National Forest and never returned—but now, her husband has been arrested on suspicion of murder. Michel Fournier has been arrested and charged with second degree murder without bail, just about a month after his wife had petitioned him for a divorce. Neighbors had been raising concerns for months over suspected domestic violence.

December is here, and with it comes twinkling lights, jingling sleigh bells, and all manner of seasonal delights. Even if the holiday season isn't your cup of eggnog, there's also the usual array of concerts, major author appearances, festivals, food & drink events, and tons more. As we do every month, we've compiled the biggest events you need to know about in every genre, from Billie Eilish's Hit Me Hard and Soft Tour to Robin Wall Kimmerer In Conversation With Emma Marris and from A Charlie Brown Christmas Live to the Portland Holiday Brew Fest.

COMEDY

A John Waters Christmas
John Waters, who shall henceforth be known as the "anti-Santa," will glide his perverse sleigh into Portland for more Christmas twistedness and holiday jeers. Last year's performance was appropriately filthy—he pulled "celebrity blow-up dolls," "yuletide diseases with booster shots that actually get you high," and "kindergarten detention drag shows in Florida" out of his big red sack. He might stomp on your perfectly wrapped presents again this year, but this evening with the cult filmmaker is perfect for those on the holiday-averse end of the spectrum. If you've been naughty, Waters encourages you to lean into it. LINDSAY COSTELLO
Aladdin Theater, Brooklyn (Dec 5–6)

Two years ago, Rich Linwood was watching his son play an eighth grade football game at Sandy High School. When the game ended, he realized something was wrong. 

“Players were coming off the field crying, and we were like, ‘Okay, we’ll get ‘em next time,’” Linwood said. “And they were like, ‘You don’t understand. The kids are calling us [n-words] as they are tackling us.’”

Linwood, whose family lives in East Portland, said parents were outraged by the lack of action from Sandy administrators following the game. This fall, with Linwood’s son now playing on the David Douglas High School team, was even more trying.

“This year, [the racial abuse] started from the very first game out at Forest Grove,” Linwood said. “And it’s just gotten worse.”

Now that you've stuffed yourself with stuffing and turkey, it's time to get in the holiday spirit at events from the 40th Annual Tree Lighting Ceremony to Fa La La Llama and support local businesses at markets like the European Bazaar and Geek the Halls. For more ideas, check out our guide to the top events of the week.

FRIDAY

SHOPPING

Record Store Day Black Friday 2024
Whether you're looking for special RSD releases or you just want to support your local record store, drag yourself out of bed bright and early this Black Friday as vinyl-hungry shoppers trickle into shops around town. Participation varies store-to-store, but expect sales, exclusive merch, extended hours, in-store performances, and other special events. Highlights from this year's special releases include a 25th-anniversary edition of MF Doom's  Operation: Doomsday, unheard demos from Joni Mitchell's Hejira, and Guts Spilled, an extended version of Olivia Rodrigo's acclaimed sophomore album. Check out the RSD website for a full list of participating stores. AUDREY VANN
(Various locations)

The Mercury provides its readers with interesting and useful news & culture reporting every single day. If you appreciate that, consider making a small monthly contribution to support our editorial team. If you read something you like, something you don't like but are glad to know about, and/or something you can't find anywhere else consider a one-time tip. It all goes in the same pot and it all goes to the editorial team. Thanks for your support!

Good Morning, Portland! Good morning, from the cold, majestic, and unforgiving OCEAN. CRASH! CAW! PLORP. GURBLE. The sea cares not for the pathetic problems of insignificant humans—though she would appreciate it if we stopped getting plastic everywhere. NOW, ONTO pathetic tiny human NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:
• Post-Thanksgiving shows feel a little mythical, but so necessary, if you can find a good one. Mercury music columnist Jenni Moore noted an irreverent, unmissable country show at Turn! Turn! Turn! in her round-up this week, and our calendar editor Audrey Vann highlighted an annual revue drag show and dance party, Bjork Friday.

• This holiday's big story was undoubtably the News Seasons worker strike on Wednesday. On a spectrum of "do the workers seem to hate it here?" New Seasons still offers a better shopping experience than most grocery stores in town, so I was a little surprised to read that the union has been trying to establish a first contract with management—Good Food Holdings, which is ultimately owned by South Korea’s Emart, which is ultimately owned by a South Korean chaebol—for nearly TWO YEARS. WAT. Labor-fearing folks dropped plans Tuesday to get their shopping done early, and good on'm.

• GROCERY RANT: Personally,  New Seasons has become too basic bitch for my tastes, and haven't been to one for anything other than a fresh apple in quite some time. Their grab-and-go section? STAID.  Their seasonal offerings? SAME SHIT AS LAST YEAR. The big shiny grocery shops do have first dibs on grade-a wholesale produce, so they do have the high-quality apples, quite frequently, but when it comes to the chocolate orange of my dreams, bulk spices and oats, and some new thing I haven't heard about, I turn to Portland's two remaining co-ops, the enduring oasis of World Foods, and my BFF with a robust meat counter Sheridan Fruit Company (established in 1918).

• BEANS RANT: While New Seasons' staff has asked supporters to show solidarity by staying away from the stores for the rest of the holiday weekend, I am also partial to the compromises made to just get dinner on the table at a reasonable hour, so I won't be judging anyone at the hot bar today. We're all just doing our best here. But if you feel moved to start cooking at home more, Max Read shared a delightful bean tutorial this week, and this deep-cut Bon Appétit bean video. As a person whose diet was largely beans until our workplace unionized, and whose diet is still full of beans due to my personal preferences, I had already reached many of these conclusions on my own. But this is the good bean news, and could "up your bean game" in noticeable ways.