This just might be the greatest thing ever. Along with the Willamette Riverkeeper organization, the Portland Mercury is pleased as punch to sponsor the first annual The Big Float.
Grab a tube, air mattress, kayak, raft — or create your own custom, handmade watercraft and join us for the inaugural launching of THE BIG FLOAT!
Around noon on Sunday, July 31, 2011 a human parade of floaters will carry their river vessels across the Hawthorne Bridge, walk south to the Marquam Bridge beach, then sail gallantly down the Willamette River in a festive flotilla of human-powered inspiration, landing safely back on the east side. Then they will gather at a celebration (naturally) and share tales of their great crossing.
Yes, you can actually go for a float in the Willamette River. No, you will not die, get aqua herpes, be attacked by the swamp thing, or crushed by the boat from Thunder in Paradise. It turns out, the mighty river that separates Portland is actually safe for you to swim in. And that’s not just the opinion of me—professional blogger and Hollywood Upstairs Medical College degree holder in Swimmingology—that’s from the DEQ, which states “the Willamette River is safe for swimming and other recreational uses.”
Once you’ve cruised down the river, the Big Float will reward you with a post-float party at the east bank of the Hawthorne Bridge. All that floating will leave you parched and hungry, so enjoy the beer garden and a slew of local food carts. And bands! Sweet, sweet, glorious music. In addition to an early set from Bull Ramos, here’s the musical lineup for the Big Float:
Orca Team (2 pm)
Keep Your Fork, There’s Pie (3 pm)
AgesandAges (4 pm)
Ramona Falls (5 pm)
This entire event is free, although a $5 donation to the nonprofit Willamette Riverkeepers, sure would be nice. (If you want to skip the actual float entirely, for some reason, you can just pay $7 to see the bands.)
See you there. I’ll be the guy in the inner tube wearing the Princess Ariel water wings. What? I’m not a great swimmer.
SHALL WE START A BETTING POOL ON HOW MANY PEOPLE DIE BY DROWNING DURING THIS EVENT?!?
I’VE GOT $10 ON THREE PEOPLE DEAD.
@ Graham: which three people?
I think this sounds fun! Bu I’ll be out of town that weekend. 🙁
This reminds me of a joke I heard over the weekend.
Q: How do you make a baby float?
A: 1 scoop of baby, 1 scoop of ice cream. Top it with root beer.
thebigfloat.com said: the Willamette River is fine for swimming, except in rare instances when Combined Sewer Overflow (CSO) conditions are present.
Rare instances my ass. City of Portland says CSO events occur about 50 times per year (any time it rains more than a few drops). It also recommends waiting at least 48 hours to go in the river after an event. Potentially, isn’t that about 100 days per year that people should stay out of the river?
The WKRP turkey drop comes to mind. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ST01bZJPuE0
If you have the time, you should check out the heavy duty sign that says in big letters ‘Clean Waterway’, and it is COVERED IN SHIT, it is not hidden. It is next to the shiny new building, fountains, blah blah blah..I wouldn’t put a shoe on that flipping thing…I tried to take a photo of the 7 foot long turd…no avail.
A) Gross.
B) Repost Matt Davis’ story about his Willamette swim.
Is it really the best idea to encourage a thousand Oregonians to get into a large body of water on the last of a four-day beer festival? Graham, did you factor this into your bet?
Oh, so Portland is done with the organized pillow fights then?
@bobby: the big pipe (92% complete!) is supposed to prevent that from happening, even in the rainy season: http://www.portlandonline.com/cso/index.cf…
It’s not scheduled to be completely completed by the end of 2011, but we should be all good for the float by end of July. Endless shit with the weather gets *really* weird.
I fear ‘The mass hipster river rescue of ’11’
Just to confirm, you’re talking about floating from the Marquam to the Hawthorne? Isn’t that just a few hundred yards?
Apparently, all of Portland’s Brooklyn transplants need some edu-ma-cation on how to do a river float. Hint: it lasts longer than 15 minutes.
@Blabby
I believe there will be a route that extends farther than that, and the entire float is supposed to last an hour. (And I’m not from Brooklyn.)
As anybody who cut their hesher teeth sailing down the Clack or the Sandy know- a proper river float is measured in 12-packs, not units of time.
That said, E-13’s “Yellow Floater” comes to mind when I think of the Willamette.
You’re not going to die by spending 30 minutes in the Willamette, guys.