Another week, another Mercury music section to ignore while you watch Jesse Jackson meet Cannibal Corpse. That is clearly the most evil thing that band has ever done.
Awhile back when I besmirched the good name of Floater, a fan of theirs demanded I “go make out with the Builders and the Butchers” (they also called me a “hipster fuck”). Well, I am here to report that I did just that. In fact, I do everything the anonymous people of the internet tell me to do. Sadly I must report that the Builders and the Butchers are better at making music than they are at smooching. Too much beard, plus our braces got stuck together. Twice.
LISTEN:
The Builders and the Butchers – “Lullaby”
If there is ever a hand-clap shortage, I’m blaming AgesandAges. The stylish seven-piece pop act isn’t afraid to get clappy on their lovely debut, Alright You Restless.
LISTEN:
AgesandAges – “These Elbows”
Does anyone else think the name Cotton Jones sounds like a corrupt Southern sheriff? “Before Buford Pusser showed up, Cotton Jones was running this here town.” No? Okay, fine. The band itself formed from the ashes of Page France and does Maryland proud.
LISTEN:
Cotton Jones – “Somehow to Keep It Going”
Quiet Life are just your average Jersey/Connecticut/California/Portland band that sounds like they’re from Nashville. They relocate so much they should be sponsored by Rand McNally. Or, they should change their name to Quit Life and become a hardcore band. Take your pick.
LISTEN:
Quiet Life – “Jim’s Wedding Band”
End Hits: Where hipster fucks go to makeout.
Floater kicks the shit out of all four of these wankers! Why don’t you go back to dry humping the Thermals.
The Builders have to do something new eventually. They’re all thirty-something and the mandolin trend train sure ain’t coming back any time soon. Their debut is going to go down as one of the most under-appreciated albums of all time but that just might be as much as they ever do.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzz……….