Oh, NYE. It can be the best of times, it can be the worst of times. There's lots of hype and crazy pressure to make New Year's the BEST NIGHT EVER—but when has that ever happened? Still, I have exciting news: All you have to do to make this New Year's a success is get pretty drunk (but not too drunk—okay, go ahead and get too drunk) and make out! Increase your chances of finding some acceptable lips to lock onto by heading to one of these lovely venues for eats, jams, booze, and pretty people.

The Supersuckers rock out with their you-know-whats out tonight at Dante's.

w/Kleveland, Gerald Collier; Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 9 pm, $20-25

East End is putting on a New Year's Eve Masquerade with Danava, Burning Leather, and DJ Blackhawk.

East End, 203 SE Grand, 9 pm, $10

At Holocene, it's two dance nights in one, with the Nightclubbing DJs taking on those of Hot Mess, plus live music from Explode into Colors and White Fang.

Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 8 pm, $10-12

Saucebox will be featuring an à la carte menu from their new chef throughout the night, and DJs Mr. Mumu, Ravi, and the Perfect Cyn will provide bumpin' musical entertainment.

Saucebox, 214 SW Broadway, 9 pm, $5

Starfucker, Blue Horns, and the Hugs will all be at Backspace for one of tonight's rare all-ages shows.

w/Assemble the Empire; Backspace, 115 NW 5th, 8 pm, $10, all ages

Ladytron will be at the turntables at the Station for your ass-waggling pleasure.

w/tons of DJs; The Station, 2410 N Mississippi, 8 pm, $20

Ring in your New Year's Eve with big hair and a 10-octave vocal range with Reggie Watts' set at Someday Lounge.

w/DJ Dundiggy, Ben Darwish; Someday Lounge, 125 NW 5th, 9 pm, $18-20

The Egyptian Club has go-go girls, DJs Cheeto Fingers and No No, and all the pretty Portland ladies.

Egyptian Club, 3701 SE Division, 7 pm, $12

Truackasauras headlines at Rotture. See them along with Caves, Atole, Reverse Dotty and the Candy Cane Shivs, and DJ Linoleum.

Rotture, 315 SE 3rd, 9 pm, $7

In another all-ages show, Poison Idea, MDC, Burning Leather, and Embrace the Kill will be at Satyricon.

Satyricon, 125 NW 6th, 8 pm, $10, all ages

DJ Gregarious will be spinning the year's sweatiest jams at the Fez.

Fez, 316 SW 11th, 9 pm, $10-12

Catch two full sets from Two Beer Veirs along with a ton of other great acts at the LaurelThirst.

LaurelThirst Public House, 2958 NE Glisan, 9:30 pm, $10

Foghorn Stringband will be pickin' and singin' (and presumably grinnin').

w/Pebble Dash; White Eagle, 836 N Russell, 9:30 pm, $10

Do it up right with Running Scared—a seven-piece Roy Orbison cover band—and the Wanna B-52s.

w/Lisa & Her Kin; Duff's Garage, 1635 SE 7th, 9 pm, $10

Kiss '08's ass good-bye with Evolutionary Jass Band and DJ HWY 7.

Valentine's, 232 SW Ankeny, 9 pm, FREE

Throwback Suburbia, Orange Collection, and Asphalt Thieves will be holding New Year's court at Ash Street.

Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash, 9:30 pm, $7

Get your groove on (internationally) with Bonobo from the UK and DJ Kez.

Berbati's, 10 SW 3rd, 9 pm, $15

Go to the Crystal Ballroom to be part of New Year's Nation, a 10-city simulcast of DJs and bands. There will be three DJs and two bands at the venue, plus many more being beamed in. The hefty entry fee gets you champagne, munchies, and an open bar, so it's like that.

Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 8 pm, $100

Catch the 42nd Annual New Year's at Darcelle XV with "Surround Yourself with Glamour." Watch the ladies do their thing at 9 pm for a show to remember, or come an hour early and be seated for dinner for only $20 more.

Darcelle XV, 208 NW 3rd, 9 pm, $45

It's a New Year's Eve Dance Party with the humpalicious DJs Teenage and Koto.

Kelly's Olympian, 426 SW Washington, 10 pm, FREE

At the Kennedy School it's a double header with Dr. Theopolis in the theater and Freak Mountain Ramblers in the gym. The former is $35, the latter free.

Kennedy School, 5736 NE 33rd, 9 pm, FREE/$35

Start the year fancy, French, and free at Pix Patisserie as they offer a free chocolate buffet at midnight at both of their locations.

Pix Patisserie, 3901 N Williams & 3402 SE Division, midnight, FREE

Kick it old school with the loungey stylings of the Tony Starlight Show. Come for dinner, and stay for drinks and a champagne toast when the clock strikes 12.

Tony Starlight's, 3728 NE Sandy, 8 pm, $20-60

Catch Shanghai Nights at the Wonder Ballroom with EOTO, Mosley/Law/Sipe/Droll, and the Senate.

Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 8:30 pm, $48

For those who insist on shaking ass, Jujuba provides their funky afro-beats.

w/Sick Bay DJs; Goodfoot, 2845 SE Stark, 9 pm, $16

Join today's discriminating young 'uns at the Hawthorne Theatre for Sandpeople, Gray Matters, and more in this all-ages show.

Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE Hawthorne, 7 pm, $10, all ages

Jimmy Mak's jazz club features Portland's own Mel Brown ringing in 2009 right. Catch the early show with dinner and be out by nine, or the late show and be here for the countdown.

Jimmy Mak's, 221 NW 10th, 6:30 & 10 pm, $20-25

Out Like That presents Kiss This at Mt. Tabor Legacy with Killa, Malice, Pegatron, and more.

Mt. Tabor Legacy, 4811 SE Hawthorne, 7 pm, $10-15

The Barfly Bus Tour takes you from eight to 10 bars in... er... "style" and includes all cover charges, some munchies, a champagne toast, and noisemakers.

info at barflymag.com, 7 pm, $25

The 18th Annual Champagne Ball at the Hilton is the biggest party in town. There will be 1,500 revelers, four dance floors, 22 bars, and if things get really crazy, the thing is in a hotel. Oh, and don your fancy pants, because there are no jeans allowed at this shindig.

Hilton Portland & Executive Tower, 921 SW 6th, 8 pm, $75

CC Slaughters is putting on their annual Platinum Ball with danceable jams from DJ Alex Hollywood. It's snowing men, hallelujah!

CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis, 10 pm, $10