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Mayor Wheeler announces yet another new rule directed at the houseless.
Mayor Wheeler announces yet another new rule directed at the houseless. Alex Zielinski

How do you do, fellow kids? Let's talk current events:

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Oregon Governor Kate Brown delivered her final State of the State address today. She maintained that the state is in good shape while outlining the myriad of ways that it needs fixing. And just look at the font choice in her power point—it's leaning forward to express urgency:

• Speaking of being governor, Oregon's richest person Phil Knight has made his first big donation in the gubernatorial race, and it was to Betsey Johnson, a candidate unaffiliated with a party whose main thing going at this point is "hey, I'm not them," and people are liking it.

• Here in Portland, our mayor Ted Wheeler will be adding to the list of places he will not allow people experiencing homelessness to sleep while not offering alternatives, this time with an emergency ban on encampments along dangerous roadways.

• Over here in Mercury-ville, I hope you don't miss the always funny (and noggin-scratchin') POP QUIZ PDX, and an A+++ smackdown from Janey Wong directed at those who would rather support Costco's shitty chicken than a local restaurant's excellent chicken. Seriously, what is wrong with you people?

IN NATIONAL/OTHER NEWS:

• Several historically Black colleges and universities have spent the first few days of Black History Month fielding bomb threats. The FBI is now saying they know who did it, but haven't arrested them yet. I think they should get on that.

• Oh wow, this seems really bad: Ice that took over two thousand years to accumulate on Mt. Everest has melted in 25. I feel like we should have stopped using plastic straws earlier...?

• Much of the country (not here) is experiencing severe winter weather this week, endangering thousands, inconveniencing even more, but at least this polar bear in Chicago is having an awesome day:

• The value of Facebook—excuse me, META—dropped significantly today because it sucks and everybody hates it. Or because profits are shrinking because Mark Zuckerberg is spending all his money on virtual reality goggles? (I don't really understand stocks.)

• #TeamBridge:

• It’s back for 2022! America’s sexiest, funnest dirty movie fest, HUMP! Coming at ya starting February 24 at Revolution Hall—GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!

• And that's all I got. I hope you enjoy the rest of your Thursday. If this were 1996 we'd all be really excited about watching a new episode of Friends tonight. I'm still chasing that high.

Wait, one more thing: