The oil spill solution is kind of working, in an oil-is-still-leaking kind of way. And BP’s CEO needs to shut up and pay Obama some money. ($69 million to start).
Astronauts are going to start pretending they’re astronauts, (just like us!) in a 520-day simulation to see if they go crazy.
Miley Cyrus is a skank and really skanked it up on Britain’s Got Talent when she kissed a girl. Good for you, Miley!
South Korea says it’s convinced China and Japan to back sanctions against North Korea.
Shrek 4 is so bad, that the promotional glasses that were selling at McDonalds are full of cadmium!
Job numbers are dropping and dropping and probably none of you have jobs anymore. Have you considered an unpaid internship?
An officer was shot, and a suspect was shot, in a shootout last night in downtown Hillsboro. Both were wounded.
For the parts of the weekend when you are not attending our tenth-anniversary bash, may I suggest you see what the hell’s happening in Astoria? The GOONIES are there. and COREY FELDMAN HAS A BAND.
I approve this Good Morning, News.
GOOD MORNING, ANGELA! HOW ARE YOU? LOTS OF LULZ TO BE HARVESTED FROM THAT VEGAN ARTICLE THAT GAWKER PICKED UP! GOOD JOB!
GOOD MORNING GRAHAM AND ANGELA PLEASE FILL MY SINK WITH DUCKS.
AFTER YOU GIVE IT A GOOD SEEING-TO. IT’S FILTHY.
Wait, Hillsboro has a “downtown”?
I will out myself as having seen Corey Feldman’s band back around 2000 at the Cobalt Lounge. It got tickets as a joke for my sister who liked him when she was younger. During a cover of Pink Floyd’s “Young Lust” the joke started wearing a tad thin.
Awwww. Little baby ducks. Howard will be so happy.