GYLLEN-PHWOR

CITY SETTLES CHASSE CASE!!! Check back here today for more breaks in this story.

SALTZMAN’S SIN!!! Blue Oregon’s Todd Barnhart breaks down all the reasons why Dan Saltzman should have disclosed his personal relationship before voting to allocate $600,000 to his girlfriend’s charity.

PRINCE OF PACKAGE!!! Jake Gyllenhall says shampooing his long locks is what developed his arms for a role in new movie Prince Of Persia. Although judging from this photo, it looks like he may have been “shampooing” his crotch, too.

GYLLEN-PHWOR
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KAGAN SUPPORTED LATE TERM ABORTION BAN!!! Is she left? Is she right?

OKLAHOMAHHHHH!!! Tornadoes kill six.

MARTIN AMIS’ NEW NOVEL IS SHIT!!! Says the New York Times. Which reminds me…Alison…can I beg a review copy?

TORIES IN POLE POSITION IN COALITION RACE!!! How many days before we all lose interest?

BP BUILDS NEW CONTAINMENT DOME!!! Said to be just as good as the last one.

OBAMA MAY SCREW WITH MIRANDA RIGHTS!!! After outrage about reading Times Square bomber his.

Good day.

Matt Davis was news editor of the Mercury from 2009 to May 2010.

14 replies on “Good Morning, News!!”

  1. GOOD MORNING EVERYONE

    I HAVE FAMILY IN CLEVELAND COUNTY, OKLAHOMA. CAN I CLAIM INSURANCE IF THEY WERE HIT BY A TORNADO? SUFFERING? CAN I GET A COOL FEMA HOUSE?

  5. @Matt Nope! The jacket text says its about the “nubile footsoldiers” of the sexual revolution. Clearly that’s my beat.

  6. The Oklahoma tornadoes were YHWH’s punishment for passing those two disgusting anti-abortion bills.

    What? It doesn’t work that way? Oh….

  7. @AJ: YOUR FAMILY OBVIOUSLY ANGERED THE SKY-GODS! CASUAL RACISM IS FUNNY!

    @ALISON: WOULDN’T “NUBILE FOOTSOLDIERS OF THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION” BE PAC’S BEAT?

  8. GRAHAM YOU ARE WRONG, OUR SKY-GOD LIVES BEHIND THE SUN AND DISLIKES THE QUOTIDIAN CONCERNS OF HUMANS. HE WOULD HATE TO HEAR BITCHING AFTER SMITING SOME OF US WITH A TORNADO.

  11. GOOD MORNING EVERYONE. REGARDING KAGAN: SUPPORTING BANS ON LATE-TERM ABORTIONS WITH THE GAPING EXCEPTION OF WHEN THE MOTHER’S HEALTH IS AT RISK DOESN’T MARK ONE AS NECESSARILY “LEFT” OR “RIGHT,” THE WAY THESE FACILE LABELS ARE CLUMSILY APPLIED TO WOULD-BE JUSTICES – PRACTICALLY ALL ABORTIONS CARRIED OUT IN THE THIRD TRIMESTER ARE BECAUSE THEY ENDANGER THE HEALTH OF THE MOTHER. I SUPPOSE IN A PERFECT WORLD, THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN AN EXCEPTION FOR SEVERELY IMPAIRED FETUSES THAT POSE NO HEALTH RISK TO THE MOTHER, BUT THEN, YOU’VE STILL GOT THE FIRST TWO TERMS OF THE PREGNANCY TO ABORT ON THOSE GROUNDS.

    (I’M AWARE THAT LAST PART WAS A WILD GENERALIZATION OF WIDELY VARYING STATE LAWS)

    MY TAKEAWAY FROM KAGAN IS THAT SHE HAS BEEN BIZARRELY CAREFUL TO NEVER SAY HER TRUE OPINIONS BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN PREPARING FOR THIS HEARING FOR 30 YEARS. WHICH IS CREEPY. FROM THE SCANT EVIDENCE, SHE’S KINDA-LEFT-BUT-PRAGMATIC-ABOUT-IT, WHICH IS ALL WE REALLY KNOW. EVEN HER FRIENDS AND COWORKERS DON’T KNOW HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT THINGS. WHICH IS CREEPY.

  12. ALSO WILLIAM GIBSON IS FOLLOWING ME ON TWITTER AND HE JUST RETWEETED ME AND I AM STROKING OUT ABOUT THIS BUT I CAN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT ON TWITTER BECAUSE WILLIAM GIBSON WILL SEE IT AND THINK I’M A STALKER.

    So.

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